Japan: A Nation of Incorrigible and Depraved Criminals - If you masturbate and view pornography in Japan, you are supporting yakuza gangster activities and can go to jail! Stop it now!

It's difficult for me to admit, but admit I must. Japan is a nation full of law-breaking criminals and desperadoes. Oh sure, not all of them are robbing banks, committing grand larceny, breaking fingers and ankles, trading women in human trafficking, promoting gambling, drug use, sex, prostitution and all sorts of morally wicked deeds. But, well, the proof is in the pudding as they say: Most men in Japan (Japanese nationals and foreigners) are breaking the law with shocking regularity and that includes you if you live in Japan!

"Mukashi no Uta" (昔の歌) 1939 film. Allegedly, this film was financed with yakuza money (like many films in Japan). If you've seen this film or even if you look at this photo, you are supporting yakuza activities! Look away! Save yourself!

You're either with us or you're with the criminals. And, from where I sit, it looks like every male in Japan is a law breaker and should be apprehended and incarcerated until the end of time. 


If you are a male residing in Japan, Japanese national or not (the law is, after all, fair and color blind) then you are a criminal lawbreaker as you support the yakuza most likely on a daily basis!


You should be ashamed of yourself! You despicable low-life scum! How do you sleep at night?


What I mean to say is that roughly 100% of the male population of Japan are eagerly supporting the criminal activities of yakuza gangsters merely by association and, as such, according to new laws on the books of Japan, must be arrested and made an example of in order to protect society. If I were the chief of police in your neighborhood, you'd be the first person whose butt I locked up and threw away the key!

Give you one guess what those circles mean. So if I were, say, the beer vendor at this boxing match, or even this venue owner, or the guy cleaning the toilets, I would be committing criminal acts under the new law by selling these guys tickets to this event or even a beer or popcorn or making them feel like guests. Genius!

This comes as a deep and profound shock to me as I was under the impression that most guys in Japan were regular Joes going to work and trying to earn a living. Little did I know that every male in Japan over 16 years of age is supporting Yakuza activities. Let me repeat that for you so the gravity of the situation really sinks in: Every single male in Japan over 16 years of age is supporting Yakuza activities and therefore needs to be arrested.


As always, the Tokyo Reporter has the story. I will add my comments in between paragraphs. Please refer to: How to Spot a Yakuza Front Company

On October 5, the National Police Agency announced a revision to the Anti-Organized Crime Law to be submitted to the ordinary session of the Diet. The initiative follows anti-gang ordinances adopted by all prefectures and administrative divisions that same month.

Crucially to the general public, the latter legislation prohibits ordinary citizens from assisting the business activities of criminal organizations.


So what these morons are saying is that if I take my dirty laundry to the corner dry cleaner, which I am unaware of is actually a front for a Yakuza company, I can get fined and in trouble and eventually jailed. What bullocks! 


My question is: what's to stop some cop from abusing his power and use this law to take revenge on former business partners and people he doesn't like? What's to stop him from coming down on a legitimate dry cleaning business when it just so happens that his family owns the other dry cleaners in the same neighborhood? 


But I digress...

Media outlets, celebrities, and the sporting world have subsequently been monitoring their own activities.

No. They haven't. They've been pissing and moaning about how stupid these new laws are and an obstruction of business.

Shukan Taishu Venus (Feb. 22) sets about determining what commoners can do to protect themselves from unknowingly associating with crime syndicates.

There are thousands of yakuza front companies operating in Japan, says the tabloid. “I used to work at such an organization,” confesses a freelance writer. “Many other employees did not know, however, that a gang group was behind it.”

Hello!? Did they say, "commoners?" How about peasantry? Then they go on and say that the employees didn't even know the company was owned by yakuza so how in the hell are the customers supposed to know? Jeez!

To avoid working for such a firm, the writer suggests research. “You should at least check the company’s name on the net,” the source says. “While it is important to see what users on bulletin boards say, what’s crucial is to know the number of years it has been in business and its history.”

Idiocy! Check the company's name on the Internet? Riiiiiiiight. If it says "A yakuza corporation" on their web page, then you'll know something might not be kosher. This writer is a moron too. Since when is it the employees job to make sure that company shareholders aren't up to hijinks?


As one friend told me, "If I put my money into any bank in Japan, I cannot be sure that the yakuza are not involved... After all, all big banks the world over are corrupt, dishonest businesses!"

Companies that change their names and lines of businesses frequently are suspect, says the writer, adding: “Companies that use simple English words such as ‘consultant’ or ‘create’ following a name is certainly dubious as it is an attempt to establish a good image just from the sound of the name.”

English words? Heavens! Consultant? Create? My god! Just to show you how incredibly dumb this is, I did a Google search using the words, (コンサルタント 東京　株式会社) "consultant," "Tokyo," "corporation" to see how many companies, or references to those companies, in Tokyo I could find. I received a total of 38,000,000 hits! Thirty-eight million!

The only straight line these people who wrote this law could write is if their brains were hooked up to an electroencephalogram (EEG) to measure their brain activity. That should be plenty to prove to anyone who has any trace of cranial activity that this article and this law is complete and total bullsh*t!

Now, let's take this nonsense even one step further and I will prove to you why every man in Japan over 16 is, according to the new law, a criminal or supporting criminal activities. And that includes you, pal!


♫ Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? ♫

I wrote about this just the other day. Please refer to Anti-Crime (Anti-Yakuza) Laws in Japan Completely Insane - Yakuza Gangsters (or those suspected of ties) can't play golf, go to Disneyland, eat at McDonald's or order Domino's Pizza either! Idiotic Laws!:

The asinine laws that went into effect last October make associating with Yakuza a crime. Yes, yes, blah, blah... But what does, "associating with Yakuza" mean? I checked Merriam-Webster dictionary for "Associate" it said:

Associate: (transitive verb)

1) to join as partner or friend

2) to join or connect together

3) to bring together into a relationship in any of various intangible ways (as in memory or imagination)

Ah! Number 3 is the tricky one. So, if you are living outside of Japan, and I live here and if you and I were to meet, you could associate me with the Yakuza because the Yakuza are from Japan too! See how this works?

Under these new laws, obviously written by people with the intelligence of chimpanzees, "associating with a Yakuza" is not limited to things like you being a card-holding gang member or their "friend" and hanging around with them at the billiard room; it's not limited to your driving in their getaway cars while they rob banks or standing around as watch out while they have "a problem in communication" and wind up roughing up uncooperative, er, "customers." It means that if you suspect that someone is a Yakuza, yet you treat them like anyone else, you could be fined or sent to prison.

If contact with the yakuza continues despite all this, a person risks up to one year in the hoosegow and a fine of ¥500,000 ($6,400).

It hit the golf industry hard.

“If customers are yakuza, we ask them to leave even if they're in the middle of playing," said the general manager of Akabane Golf Club (Mainichi newspaper article in Japanese). He is also the chairman of the Council of Golf Clubs for the Expulsion of Organized Crime in Tokyo. How would he know if someone is a yakuza? "We refer the names of suspicious people to the police,” he said.

And the pizza delivery industry is in uproar. 

"We don't know if the address we deliver to is the place of a yakuza," said the Delivery Business Safety Driving Council. But don't panic. "One or two pizzas are OK,” the Council said, “but delivering a huge amount of pizza, knowing that the customer is a yakuza is a no-no." They're planning to invite police officers to a study meeting with restaurant owners.

So it's not rocket science; if you do anything or support anything or any business run by the yakuza, then you are guilty of aiding, abetting and supporting criminal organizations and, as such, violating the new laws on the books.

Stop! You are violating the law! Close your eyes right now. This is your last warning!

Now let me show you how it is that, if you are a male in Japan, then you are guilty of supporting the yakuza and should be arrested. Everyone knows that, in Japan, the yakuza have their hand in the entertainment business. Nowhere else is this hand more evident than in the "adult entertainment" business. That means hostess clubs, dating services, prostitution and pornography. 


Yes, that's right: Pornography. Is there anyone who thinks that the yakuza do not control the pornography industry in Japan? 


Now, what's that got to do with you, you ask? Don't lie to me. Everyone knows that 98% of all men admit to masturbating and the other 2% are liars. I know what you are doing! You might say that it is nobody's business what your right hand does while viewing pictures like the one above, but, let's face it; you are a normal red-blooded guy, right?


According to the Healthy Strokes web site, 100% of all men masturbate:


Some authorities say 100% and that there are no exceptions. According to a survey of more than 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 99.15 percent reported masturbating currently. Limiting the scope to those over 18 (your question refers to "men"), 99 percent report masturbating currently. All of those males report having masturbated in the past.


Okay, so it's not 100%. It's 99% (and the other 1% are liars). So, like I said, everyone knows the Yakuza control the porno industry in Japan. And what's the problem with that? Someone has to do it. It's not like your local bank, postal service or hospital is going to diversify their businesses and get into the porn industry (although there's always more openings for nurses!) 


So that means every time you view photos of sexy Japanese girls or Japanese porn, you are supporting a business run by the yakuza and, in turn, violating the new laws.


So, ultimately that means when you view porn (that is most likely created by yakuza run organizations) that includes sexy Japanese girls, you are a criminal...


Or, if you don't masturbate, then you are a liar. Which is it? 


We definitely need more intelligent laws like this on the books, wouldn't you agree?

Go to jail. Go immediately to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200!