Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Aerosmith and Me. A True Story.

I just realized that today is April 1st, so you guys will think this is a joke, and won't believe this is a true story (people who know me well, will know it is). But, I swear to god, strike me dead, that this is absolutely 1000% a true story. 

About twenty years or so ago (maybe a little more), I used to appear on a TV show (on Music-On-TV) with still-to-this-day famous VJ in Japan, George Williams. 

George interviewed artists as himself, of course, but I participated in the interviews as "the Masked DJ." 

I kept my Masked DJ true identity a secret and wore a pro wrestling full-head mask to conceal my identity. The Masked DJ's schtick was that his super-powers helped him to rid the world of crap music.

There was, and still is, a lot of that.

On that show, we often interviewed some the most famous bands and artists who came to Japan. George would ask the normal questions and I would ask stuff from out in Left Field. (Not like regular Japanese TV shows where they ask incredibly stupid questions like, "What is your favorite color?" or "Can you eat with chopsticks?")

No. Of course, there are no photos with the Masked DJ. Even if there were, you wouldn't recognize him. He wore a mask. This photo is fake but this recollection is not.

One day, the entire gang from Aerosmith were on the show. We got to do the interview on nationally broadcast TV.

George was asking the Aerosmith guys about their new album and tour. I was asking Steven Tyler all sorts of stuff; like if he was getting longer nose hairs as he was getting older (I could relate).

The interview went great. Towards the end of the interview, the Masked DJ asked the question that everyone in the nationally broadcast TV show in Japan was eagerly anticipating. 

The Masked DJ said to Aerosmith: "Wow! I'm your biggest fan in Japan. I go way back with you guys. All the way back to high school! I have all your records too! But there is one question I have that I'd like to ask since you aren't wearing your makeup..."

The boys from the band furrowed their brows and listened patiently and the Masked DJ said, "...So, the question I'd like to ask is, er, which one of you guys was the cat? And which one of you guys had the star on your eye?... And which one had the bouffant and super long tongue? And..."

As the Masked DJ was asking the questions, he could see Steven Tyler's face turning red, his cheeks beginning to quiver, his eyes starting to bulge out, and what looked like steam coming out from his ears and nostrils...

Just as Tyler was about to explode, Joe Perry and the other guys burst out laughing and laughing. Joe Perry was howling and said, "I was the one with the star on my eye!" and other members started joining in, "I was the cat! I was the cat!" 

Soon, even Steven Tyler calmed down and realized it was a big rock n roll joke and started singing.

I am now proud to say that I believe that am the first (and only?) person in rock n roll history who got Aerosmith to sing the Kiss song, "I wanna rock n roll all night, and party every day!" on nationally broadcast television. 

Judging by Steven Tyler's initial reaction, I am sure I will be the last too. 

Later on, when the show was over, walking out of the dressing room, sans wrestling mask, the Masked DJ (in real-life then mild-mannered Mike Rogers) overheard Joe Perry insisting to their manager, "Now THAT'S the kind of interview we wanna do in Japan!"

I have no doubt in my mind that if you ask the Aerosmith guys today if they remember singing "Rock n Roll All Nite" on Japanese TV with the Masked DJ, they would absolutely. No doubt about it.

I remember and will never forget either. It's not everyday Aerosmith sings Kiss songs on national TV!

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Thanks to Lisa Mychols for reminding me about this. 

Lady Gaga, Coldplay and Other Western Artists are Minor in Japan

This column is about Japanese Rock stars versus Western Rock Stars in Japan. It was inspired by my friends Allison Sane and JP Valentine. The premise is that, in spite of the hype and hoopla in the western press, USA and UK artists have seriously fallen out of their position of "Most Favored" in Japan (and China and elsewhere in Asia). That's what this post is about.

Allison had asked me if Eric Burdon was "big" in Japan. I replied that he was in the sixties, but not now. That's not to say that Eric Burdon doesn't have fans in Japan, he does. But, over these last fifteen years, whether it's Eric Burdon or not, (or any other modern western pop star) sales of albums from US and UK artists, and in turn their popularity, have dropped off a cliff. Western artists are just not the draw or as popular as they were a few decades ago. 

Eric Burdon today might be able to do some shows in Tokyo but drawing more than a few hundred people is highly questionable. Expensive dinner show is more practical and profitable for this type of artist in Japan.

The biggest (and worse sounding) venue in Japan is the Tokyo Dome. Performing there is considered the pinnacle of success for an artist. I hate concerts at the Tokyo Dome. The sound is terrible (like all large venues). The dome roof is kept up like a big balloon so the sound reverberates around the dome and it sounds like you are listening to a concert inside of a canyon. Heck, you are. The place holds 55,000 people.

The last big western artist who could come to Japan and quickly sell out a few nights at Tokyo Dome was Michael Jackson at the height of his popularity in the early nineties. Madonna has played there. The Backstreet Boys have. I saw David Bowie with Adrian Belew in 1990 at the Tokyo Dome. David Bowie was the last time I went there to see a concert that I actually wanted to go to. I had tickets in the eighth row right in front of the stage and Bowie was 20 yards in front of me. He could have been a mile away. The echo was so bad it sounded like he was singing inside of an airplane hanger.

But that was a long time ago. Very few western artists can come to Japan anymore and sell out the dome even for one night. Most today don't even try. Coldplay certainly couldn't do it. They played at Saitama arena last time which holds 37,000 maximum. The Tokyo Dome is just out of reach for western artists today. 

In fact, I don't think there are any bands in the entire world (excepting, perhaps a Rolling Stones reunion) that could sell out a few days at Tokyo Dome these days. Aerosmith is playing there next week, for one night, but they are having a hard time selling tickets and will be lucky to sell out the arena seats on the first floor.

Their popularity isn't what it used to be so I imagine they don't ask for green M&M's anymore. But, I also imagine that Aerosmith insists upon playing there because Steven Tyler is so insecure that he needs to say "We're playing the dome" because perhaps he's afraid of meeting Nigel Tufnel in the lobby.

Really good Japanese rock bands don't become famous in this country. 

(Pictured, The Neatbeats - Japan's Beatles) 

As an aside, I once interviewed Aerosmith and I said to Steven Tyler, "I go back with you guys since high school. I have all your records. My question is which one of you guys was wearing the makeup as the cat? Which one of you had the star on your eye and which one had the long tongue?"

Tyler got pissed off for a second but Joe Perry and the other guys laughed. It think it was the first time in history that a TV interviewer got Aerosmith to sing the Kiss song, "Rock and Roll all Night" on national TV. 

Later I overheard Perry tell his manager, "Now THAT'S the kind of interview we want to do in Japan!" I'm sure he said that because Japanese interviewers always ask dumb questions about what is their favorite food or color.

But I digress....

I'm sure they'll be giving away lots of Aerosmith tickets to industry related people just to try to fill the place. (Edit: As suspected. The Aerosmith was sold only the arena seats. The other half of the seats were empty. That's a disaster!})

Big Bang at Tokyo Dome.  This band sold out three days straight at the Dome in under thirty minutes.

But when it comes to Japanese (or Korean) artists, playing in Japan, it's a completely different story. You might think that major Japanese and Korean pop artists all suck and I might well agree. But I will add that they suck no more or less than most big western (especially Top 40) artists! But no one can sneeze at these bands that can sell out an entire week at the Tokyo Dome. And the list of bands that do is long.

Just a few weeks ago, I went to see Complex who sold out two nights in a row at Tokyo Dome. Complex is Hotei Tomoyasu and Koji Kikkawa. They sold out two nights a short while back and donated all the money to charity! So laugh all you want. These guys are not a joke.

Do the math. Let's see: ¥9,800 a ticket times 54,000 people equals: ¥529,200,000. This amount of yen at today dollar rate (¥76.91 yen to $1 USD) equals: $6,880,769.00. Now take that times two and you have over $13 million dollars for two nights performance. (Please someone double check this math. I've done it over and over and still come up the same. It's astounding to me this number... But Muhammed Ali got $5 million dollars for a 45 minute fight with Joe Frazier in 1975, so I guess this is correct. If I am wrong, please comment!)

Complex at Tokyo Dome - Total David Bowie ripoff? yes. But the fans don't care. And David Bowie doesn't sing in Japanese.

Now imagine a bunch of other Japanese artists who can do this for an entire week straight! The top bands in the west? Nope. One night, maybe. Like I said, there's not a western artist in the world today who could do that excepting a Rolling Stones reunion, maybe. They might be able to pull off two nights, but not three.

For many years, Japan and Japanese rock stars have had an inferiority complex towards western artists as they deservably should have. But nowadays, things have changed in Japan. And, when they can make this kind of money playing in Japan - and never make near that amount in the west - all the while western artists come here to make big money - why bother going to play in the USA?

Sure, the big name artists still dream of becoming big in the west too, but the west doesn't hold the allure it once did for people. And that's not just people in Japan, but, I think for people all over the world.

Sure, some dream of Hollywood and New York, but when it comes to the big name Japanese artists (who don't sing in English anyway) it's no longer practical to even consider trying to break into the USA market... Most certainly isn't profitable.

These big name Japanese artists can stay at home, in their comfy chairs, and copy the western artists that they are inspired by and make those musicians' music their own. 

The domestic audience doesn't know the difference.

Glay at Tokyo Dome 2005. Massive in Japan. They suck, but were fans of my radio show, so that's OK.... But they still suck.

NOTE: It might sound like I am dissing these Japanese artists or even Aerosmith, but I am not. When anyone can sell their music and become professionals, regardless of how crappy I might think their music is, that is to be respected. After all, who cares what I think and isn't everyone a music critic?

Playing music and actually getting paid to do so is great. Getting paid very well to do so is the dream of a lifetime.