Monday, August 11, 2014

Being an Idiot AND Being in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time? Bad Combination!

I've been very lucky in my life. I've done many idiotic things and I'm still here. I've been in the wrong place at the wrong time and I'm still here.

I have had the unfortunate (?) experience whereby I was an idiot, and in the wrong place at the wrong time, at the same time, but still somehow, I got lucky and escaped.

I got an email from a good friend about this sort of thing that I'd like to share with you. You might laugh or you might be horrified.

My friend works at some sort of automotive business. Here is what he wrote:


So once upon a time, I get to take cars home just randomly under the pretense of evaluation. Sometimes I actually need the cars for work and other times I just want to drive cool shit like the Alfa Romeo. There are others just like me at the company who have the same privileges.

So, one day, this dumbfuck intern at the company thought it would be a good idea to take home a cop car (this is where the "idiot" part comes in - Mike). 

He thought it would be smart to turn on the lights on a freeway and yell at some guy, "Pull over IMMEDIATELY!" and the guy actually did. Problem is a real cop witnessed this and was quickly on the scene. Well, the intern and all three of his friends in the car got arrested. So they all got fired from the company (of course) and now our organization is blacklisted from (Name of Major US Automobile manufacturer here) recruiting for a while. 

The kicker is, the parents of the kids who weren't driving and riding in the passenger seats are now suing both the company and the driver of the car for defamation since they weren't driving nor did they tell him to turn on the lights (You know, it's a "He said, she said, situation.") and the kids who were passengers were basically blacklisted (for life?) from auto since HR talks to each other. To make the situation even more of a clusterfuck, the driver's parents are countersuing, and the company is countersuing them all.  

Here's the thing; I was pretty close with those four people and was considering going with them that very night since they said they were going to a house party and thought it would be cool to take a police car there. The only reason I didn't go along was because I had to stay in late at the office because I had a presentation due the next day so I'm luckier than the guy who didn't get on MH370. 

Holy SHIT!!!!!! IDIOTS!!!!! 

I wrote back:

Really. Holy Shit. God smiles on you! I've had many close calls like that in my life... 

He continued:

It is hilarious in retrospect. But when I first heard about what had transpired, I was shitting bricks at how close that was. 

I replied:

Forty years ago, when I was in High School, my friends and I would do the typical stupid things that high schools kids did back in those days. One of the dumbest things we did with regularity was to drink and drive all the time; it was our weekend idiot ritual. We took turns driving our cars. John (not his real name) had a small truck. Rick (not his real name) had a small Japanese car. Me, Mike (Yes, my real name) had a German sports car. I am amazed that I was never stopped even once by the police (but we did live in what was a small town at the time with many rural roads.) 

The small truck that John had that could only ride two in the cab up front and the third had to ride in the back on the bed of the truck (back in the days when that, as well as many other things, wasn't illegal). The three of us would drink a fifth of JD straight and be so drunk we couldn't see the divider lines in the road without covering one eye. (If we didn't drive one handed and cover one eye with our other hand, we'd see the divider lines on the road doubled!).... 

We did that insanity months (idiot youth!) 

One night, as usual, my friends called me and asked me to go drinking with them. I had never refused before, but that night, for some reason, I did. I stayed home that night.. I'd find out the next day that they rolled the truck that evening. 

God! How lucky I was. If I had gone with those two that night, then one of us, either me or Rick would have died. Who ever would have been riding in the back would have surely died as the truck took a sharp turn and rolled over a few times on a downhill asphalt curve... 

Since I didn't go, those two could ride relatively safely in the cab. The two of them only suffered concussions and a few broken bones (and a completely totaled truck).... And, of course, being arrested for DUI. 

I was extremely fortunate. To this day, I often wonder why I didn't go that night. I've dodged that kind of bullet many times...

Consider yourself fortunate, my friend... It is a good omen for your future... Always get in tune with your inner feelings and when you feel something "isn't right" then don't do it. 

This isn't John's truck. John's truck was much worse than this. John's truck had the cabin flattened like a pancake. It's a miracle those two guys didn't break their necks.

The moral of the story: Everyone does idiotic things in their life at one time or another. I think most people have been in the wrong place at the wrong time at something during their life too... Try not to be an idiot and in the wrong place at the wrong time at the same time; that can be a devastating combination.

I concluded my note to my young friend: 

"Some people just wind up doing stupid things and being in the wrong place at the wrong time.... You weren't one of them this time.

Do your best not to be one of them the next time also."


NOTES: Folks, never drink and drive and always drive defensively; slow down. Speeding to get where you want to go is only going to save you a few minutes (that won't matter anyway) and it greatly increases your chances of a life changing accident.  

I have been lucky all my life even when I did stupid things. Today? When I drive, I never speed and always stop at stop signs and traffic lights and haven't gotten stopped by police for any traffic violations in 27 years! So anytime I see the cops with roadside blocks checking for seat belts or traffic violations, I laugh as, since I do not break the law, they can't stop me; It's my own little revolution against the taxation system. 

To get slightly off the subject, and to read how these traffic violations and the following fines are actually a form of taxation, read: Driver's Licenses Have Zero to Do With Safe Driving: They Are a Back-door Tax! 


Anonymous said...

Whoa! Mang! RE: "always drive [...] slow down. Speeding to get where you want to go is only going to save you a few minutes (that won't matter anyway) and it greatly increases your chances of a life changing accident."????

That's soo contaray to the bits on and for some guys the dots on the timecard at work says, It Does Matter.

I mean, I can understand Not wanting to give 'them" your money via a speeding ticket, but at the same time...

I mean, I see that we grew up the same way, how-freaking-ever; disobedience is the name of the day and if you can get away with it, do so.
Or, you come across as counter to the likes of myself and JoseyOutlaw. That is, an obeyer.

You don't find that sickening?

Ya. Sure. You're not going to have to pay a ticket if you obey All the time, and you 'might' not get into an accident... but then, is that a fact? Also... Ahh, there just seems to be a gigantic disconnect here I'm unable to explain at the moment,... I'm not even sure I want to.
At the risk of sounding offensive, I wonder, did you catch that disease, you know, old man-itis? It's brought on by having teenaged-children-itist. That condition affects your vision. Jmho.

Anyway, for me, I intend to Go at every red light I come to when I can see clearly there's no oncoming cars. Just as I would if the power went out and the lights were flashing.

F them, and feed 'em fish heads.

- helot

Anonymous said...

Sheet. Don't you hate it when you make a long drawn out explanation for why you disagree with someone and then the post doesn't seem to go through? ...As if it disappeared into the ether.

- helot

Anonymous said...


Do you have some kind of new comment moderation where it doesn't say, "Comment will be approved sometime soon" or that sort of thing?

Otherwise I'm thinking my words went into outer space.

Ha.Ya. They prolly did.

What's it matter anyway?

And, Mang, DO YOu Ever have difficult to read Capithcya box.

Anonymous said...

Great post!

If you had gone with those two that night then you wouldn't have gotten a chance to read my new comedy, American MaleWhore in Tokyo. (I'm almost 100% sure that's why you were touched by the hand of God that night.)

Given your great sense of humor and our common connection to Japan, I was wondering if I could provide you with a copy of AMIT and if you get some good laughs out of it, I'd be grateful for a shout out.

It's a juvenile/explicit comedy that sheds light on Japan and its culture in general as well as the dazzling yet seedy culture of host clubs. As I'm sure you know, the job duties of hosts include getting paid by women to party, flirt, and quite often sleep with them. And as we've seen, some of these guys make astounding amounts of money while doing astounding amounts of damage to their livers.

Please let me know at

Also, I don't want to seem spammy so please delete this as soon as you've read it. I apologize if it's out of place here, I unfortunately couldn't locate an email address for you.

John Box

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