I Was a Teenage Stand-Up Comedian in Hollywood!

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” ― Erma Bombeck

“Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.” ― Jean Racine

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I really have worked as a Stand Up Comedian in Hollywood and around in small venues in Southern California when I was a teenager. I did this gig, off and on, from 1979 until early 1981 or so. I was very popular and got paid... 

OK. That's not exactly true. I wasn't a teenager, I was about 21 or 22 years old when I was a stand-up comedian; and it's probably a bit of a "stretch" to say that I was "popular." I did get paid a couple of bucks each time too (which was often more than I got from being in a punk band!)

Months before I became a Stand-Up Comedian, I was playing in a punk band and, from that, I got to see how the stage set-up was done for concerts. (I wrote about my punk band in: The White Stripes Jack White and Me (A True Story) (robot55.jp/blog/jack-white-and-me-a-true-story/) I saw an opportunity to be able to go on stage, tell off-color jokes and actually get paid a little bit (plus it was a great way to meet girls!) I figured that, in between the bands - while the Roadies were changing equipment on the stage - I could go up on stage and entertain the troops. 

I actually went to clubs and owners to sell myself and my routine. For a while there, I got jobs; a lady from the department store I worked at actually got me lots of jobs too. She got me jobs at some sort of social events! She could have been a good manager! At that time, I was telling jokes in front of crowds of 50 ~ 200 people, one or two weekends a month for a short while!

Sometimes I did so well, and the crowd liked my jokes so much, that the fans were crowding the stage and throwing coins at my feet. I am not exaggerating!

Other times, with the very same act and original jokes I wrote, even the next night in front of a different crowd, it was like I was giving a speech at a funeral; it was dead. I definitely am not exaggerating about that either.

I was always confused as to why I was such a hit one night, then the next night, it was terrible! The difference was like night and day!

(Photo of me, as Nigel Nitro, circa 1980 - I would later write under the pen name "Ricky Zipp" using this same photo)

The first time people threw money at me, I was mad because I thought they were throwing stuff at me to get me off the stage. That was until a friend told me, "Wow! You were great! People were even throwing money at your feet!"

Getting up on stage, by yourself, is much more difficult than people can imagine; you are completely alone. If you are in a band on stage, that's scary enough, but, with a band, you have your band members and instruments to hide behind. Being a stand up comedian is just you, naked (figuratively speaking), on the stage with a few dozen or, even hundreds of people just staring at you. Their eyes pierce you and their expectations are quite high (or incredibly low - which can be a problem too!) Their eyes and faces are saying, "Entertain me! Make me laugh or get off the stage!"

Being a Stand-Up Comedian is a very rough job.

My very last stand up routine was at my university at a talent show; I was MC'ing the event. People were roaring with laughter. I couldn't figure it out. They were laughing in all the wrong places! I later asked a girl why people were laughing so much and she said, "Your facial expressions were hilarious!" I couldn't figure that out either. If anything my facial expression were of confusion because I couldn't figure out why people were laughing at my jokes in weird places! It was then and there that I decided that I wasn't good enough and didn't have what it takes to be a Stand-Up Comedian.

But I'm very glad I tried my luck as a Stand Up Comedian. Being a Stand-Up Comedian is a great way to become a great public speaker. It is also a good way to overcome inhibitions and to learn how to control a crowd's behavior.

How and why did I ever first become a Stand-Up Comedian? Let me explain further...

In about mid 1979, a few months after Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols died, my punk band broke up. I was quite disillusioned with the entire "Punk Thing" by then anyway. Sid dying (he was my hero) was the last straw for me. (Well, I had lots of "last straws," actually.)

But, I had loved being on the stage as a Punk band vocalist and wanted to stay and hang out in Hollywood. So I decided try try my hand as a Stand-Up Comedian. It made sense to me at the time.

Being the front of a punk band was powerful. It was also a lesson in crowd control. When my band ended, at first, I wanted to start another punk band but everything I tried just didn't work out to my liking. Also, I had learned a lesson from playing in a band with other people who weren't so dedicated; having to depend on other people sucks!

Being a Stand-Up Comedian is really just you against the world, it seems. It's a great experience and, no matter your age, I think everyone can benefit from having to stand up in front of a bunch of strangers and give a speech.

After all, giving a speech and doing stand up comedy are first cousins in the public speaking world.

In Japan, you can sometimes see young people standing at a busy train station and giving speeches. I hear it is a kind of initiation at some companies to make their new young employees overcome their inhibitions and become better representatives and salesmen. I think it is good.

I will always fondly look back to my 20 or 30 times as a Stand Up Comedian. Sometimes I was the funniest guy! King of the hill! Other times I was a pathetic little loser standing butt-stark-naked in front of a crowd of people without a friend in the world!....

Both are great learning experiences.

Everyone can benefit from public speaking exposure like that.

Like they say, "Don't dream it. Be it."

This blogpost reprinted courtesy of Robot55. 

 

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus... So What About Gay Men and Women?

I reckon that this title portends to what most people might consider a "dicey subject." I guess it is... But I'll try to make this "family friendly."

Have you ever read the book, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus"? I think it might be helpful if you ever want to be in a relationship and make it last (or even have half a clue as to what's happening most of the time). So perhaps it would be nice if you read it. 

I read it after my second divorce and it was like a light going off in my head. You can find an online pdf of the entire book here, but I've also (poorly) encapsulated the entire premise here. Basically, it goes like this:

Men are very results oriented. They consider themselves, "Mister Fix it." Men want to hear short bits of information and then offer solutions. Women are not that way. Women don't need quick answers. Women want someone who will listen to them talk and allow them to flesh out their thoughts as if they are thinking aloud. Women are looking for empathy. They are looking for a friend who will listen and share in their concerns without judgement or solutions. 

Men want to hear a bit of information then offers solutions.

   
And that's why men are from Mars and women are from Venus; because they don't understand the language the other is speaking. Their communication falters because of language. When the wife wants to complain about work, the husband hears a few sentences and then offers a "Mister Fix It Solution!" 

Wife then gets mad and says, "You're not listening to me!"

Husband retorts, "I am listening to you!"

No, husband. You're not. Not the way she wants you to listen. Seriously, trust me. I'm divorced twice and married three times. I know what I'm talking about (and I've read the book). You're not listening to her in her language; a language that she understands. 

In a nutshell, when she complains, she wants you to shut up and really listen to what she has to say - until she's finished. Don't interrupt her with your dumb solutions. She doesn't need your ideas. When she wants your ideas, she will ask for them...Women are kind of like dominating queen bees that way... (just a little levity, ladies!)

This is why ladies can get together over coffee and talk for hours on end about the problems and questions of the day and nothing gets decided; they need no solutions. The best friends amongst women, I am told, are the good listeners.

Guys? Guys get together and complain and immediately they are offering all sorts of solutions to problems. "Well, if you don't like work, why don't you quit?" Or, "Go tell your boss to go to hell!" Or my most commonly used solution, "If I were you, I'd get a gun and shoot the guy right between the eyes!"

Typical male quick solution: "Punch 'em in the f*cking teeth!"

Guys like to offer quick solutions all the time. Many of the solutions are like taking a sledge hammer to a problem when a pillow feather will do nicely.

So this is what Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is all about.

Which brings me to the dicey part of this post: How about gay people? And, especially, how about gay people in Japan? I'm not being funny or cute here. I am just curious (not that my curiosity matters). Why I ask is that I have two relatives who I am pretty sure are gay (one is a male and the other is female). Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), my gay relatives haven't come out. But if you knew my aunts and uncles, cousins, in-laws and other relatives, you could understand why... Let me just say that most of my relatives aren't the most "with it,"  understanding or the, er, "coolest" people hanging around the block. 

I can imagine this scene, but I can't imagine what aunt Emma would

 say about "Jennie" bringing "Marsha" to Thanksgiving this year.

I like to think my two dear relatives know I don't care. I just want them to be happy. I actually feel sorry for them in way because of the way my family and society can be so judgemental.. I don't appreciate the fact that they have to be secretive about what they do or that they don't come to our family get togethers because they would bring that "someone else" (and that someone else might make some people uncomfortable! Heavens!) I mean, life is tough enough on everyone as it is without people being concerned what other people are doing in their own homes and bedrooms or who they associate with....

But I digress... 

Here's a story that happened to me with one of these relatives about fifteen years or so ago in Japan. This incident has always bothered me since and, had I read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus I might have reacted a different way (or maybe not....) I've always regretted how I handled the situation and I think it has created a wedge between me and a loved one that lasts until this very day. Here's the story:

One day, this close relative, I'll call him "Sam," called me on the phone. Sam had been working in Tokyo for several years. At the time of this incident, I wasn't sure that Sam was gay, but I highly suspected it. And I didn't care. I figured I had enough problems of my own without worrying about someone else's. 

Why I had known (suspected) that Sam was gay was because I had been in a punk band in Los Angeles years before and we often toured (San Francisco and beyond) and I had many friends who lived the so-called "Alternative lifestyle." So, from that experience, I had met and shared many good times with these friends when they were young and discovering their sexuality. It seems to me that the creative arts and music have a large share of gays in the business. (This might seem sexist but I think gay people often times are quite the excellent creative and sensitive group...) 

Anyway, I remember in 1979 or so, riding in a car with my best friend Jeff (a bassist in a punk band) when we came to the realization that our two best friends (men) were sleeping together and that almost all of our friends (musicians and others) except us two were gay and/or lesbians!!! This girl I used to date was a lesbian too! Wow! That realization blew my mind!

As he drove the car, I slyly reached over and rested my hand on Jeff's right thigh. He slapped my hand away and we laughed.... 

Circa 1979 poster for my band, "The Rotters. I was vocalist back then. Incredibly, those guys are still playing! The Rotters are one of those bands who forgot to break up.

Anyway...

Long before Sam called me that day, we worked at the same company. Sometimes Sam got himself in trouble at work and had a few problems adjusting to life in Japan. A few months before, Sam's mother had died in an freak accident and that pretty much broke him up for a long time. He had been drinking heavily and often called into work sick. He was falling apart. I tried to help but I was, in hindsight, conceited and judgemental. When I spoke to Sam on the phone he was quite agitated.

Sam told me that he had gone to work and, while talking to a client, gotten angry and punched the client. Very bad indeed. Extremely bad in Japan because punching someone in the face is a crime and might land you in jail. Well, Sam seemed like he was headed for jail as the guy he punched was considering filing a complaint with the police. Had he done so, all hell would have broken loose for Sam. Not only would he be in jail, he'd be out of a job and most probably deported when he got out of jail.

Sam was going through the litany of problems he had created for himself. Me, not wanting to listen, I put on my "Mister Fix It" cap immediately and said, "What do you want me to do?"

Sam got really mad. He said,

"I don't want you to do anything, Mike! I just want you to listen!"

"I am listening!" I countered. This went back and forth. Our voices grew louder with each word.  "I'm listening and trying to figure out why you are telling me this. What do you want me to do about it?" We began arguing. Arguing was the worst outcome. Here I was trying to help but we were beginning to argue.

Soon it was a big fight. I realize now that we weren't speaking the same language. When I said, "What do you want me to do?" I didn't mean it in a snotty, nasty and condescending, "Well, what do you want me to do about it, jerk?" I meant it as, "How can I help you to rectify this situation?" I meant to say, "I will help you in any way you wish for me to help you. Please give me instructions as to what is the best way to do so."

Had I been a better communicator, I could have gotten that message across. Had Sam understood my "Mars" way of thinking, then he would have calmly said, "I just need someone to listen to me so I can confide my worries and fears. I need a friend."

Yes. Sam needed a friend. Instead I sent him an entire fire engine brigade. Any wonder that a 4 alarm fire broke out?

That was years ago. I still talk to Sam sometimes, but not often. Not as often as I used to or would like to. Funnily enough, I am the only one in our entire family who stays in contact with Sam at all anymore. I wish he'd come to visit. I wish I could tell him that I'm sorry and that everything is okay. 

The reason why I am now pretty much sure of Sam's sexual preferences is that I know some of his friends from back then who are still here in Japan. Nice folks. They enjoy their privacy. I say let them, and Sam, have it. That's why I don't force the issue.

What is the purpose of this post? I'm not too sure. Is the thinking of men and women different like stated in Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus true? From reading and my own experiences, I believe so. I have also had a nagging concern and regret over the incident with Sam that I relate to you above. 

Is the thinking of gay people the same or different from heterosexuals? And does it matter whether or not we are in Japanese society or western society? I don't know.... But now, come to think of it, frankly speaking, I don't care. No matter whether a gay male thinks the same as a heterosexual male or not (as a "solutions based" gender) it shouldn't make any difference to me. Why? Because everyone deserves more empathy and understanding. 

I should have given Sam more of that too. For that I will always regret.

I was going to ask dear reader to read this post and offer solutions and their opinions to me, but now, on second thought. No thanks. That you sat there, quietly, and listened to me was enough... I guess that satisfies the Venus in me. 

Now, I feel better. Thanks for listening and thanks for the empathy. 

Spread it around.