Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Race for Japan's New Prime Minister is On and the Entire Country is Abuzz....ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.......

Japanese prime minister Naoto Kan who was prime minister for just over one short year is resigning. The race for a new clusterf*ck prime minister of Japan is on. 


If you were to judge by the media, you'd think that the Japanese, as well as people all over the world, are gripping their arses in anticipation of who the next prime minister of the world's #3 (and dropping quickly) economy is going to be.


Will it be dumbf*ck number one or dillweed #2? The entire nation anxiously awaits the results of an election that they have absolutely no say in whatsoever.....So, I am....ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz.....


ZZZsnork! Where was I? Oh, yeah....


Kan, as you remember, was Japan's prime minister for just about 15 months. In that time, his infamy is often compared with that of many tyrants of the past. The destruction and devastation that occurred under Kan's rule will always be on the level of a Adolf Hitler, Chairman Mao, Attila the Hun, Caligula, Joseph Stalin and that Khan dude on Star Trek. 


The world will never forget the destruction they caused: 
Top (L to R): Hitler, Stalin, Mao
Bottom (L to R): Kan, Khan and Fine


See? Told you he's right up there with old usual suspects. 


Our own Naoto Kan, who, you'll remember singlehandedly was responsible for causing the earthquake, tsunami and subsequent Fukushima nuclear disaster will also always be remembered for his positive achievements such as... his, er.... ummmm... And then there's... the... uh... 


See?


Things will be OK if you just remember to keep repeating the mantra: "March 11, disaster, earthquake, tsunami, Fukushima Dai ichi and Naoto Kan."




Kan! Kan! Khan! Damn you, Khan! We'll get you for this!


AFP reports:

TOKYO (AFP) Japan's ruling party is to kick off a two-day campaign Saturday to choose a new leader for the disaster-hit nation, with trade and industry minister Banri Kaieda emerging as a strong contender.

Who the hell is Banri Kaieda?

Five candidates of the ruling Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ) have so far run for the party's leadership election on Monday to succeed Prime Minister Naoto Kan as the nation's sixth premier in five years.

Awriiiiight! I think we should go for a new world record! You know that Italy has had more than 50 government's since World War II? yes. It's true. Come on, Japan! We can do better! Japan! Japan! Japan! Ganbare Nippon!
The party has set a deadline of Saturday morning for candidates to come forward for what is expected to be a close race.

Hoo hum....What? I missed the dealine for filing again?

Kan announced his resignation on Friday after nearly 15 turbulent months in power, during which his response to the March 11 earthquake, tsunami and resulting nuclear plant accident drew fierce criticism.

Remember to keep repeating: Hitler, Mao, Stalin, Genghis Khan, Attila and Kan (sounds like some 70's Hippie Prog Rock group doesn't it?)
Through debates and speeches this weekend, the candidates will seek support of 398 DPJ lawmakers who can vote for a new party president to replace Kan. Parliament will then vote the leader in as PM on Tuesday.

Debates and speeches this weekend? Oh goody. That sounds like how I want to spend my weekends with the family! Listening to old political pharts droning on and on about this or that....
Former foreign minister Seiji Maehara, who has topped the list of hopeful successors to Kan in opinion polls, and Finance Minister Yoshihiko Noda were largely seen as pre-election favourites.

Is it just me or does the name Seiji Maehara sound like a horse racing jockey? 
But Kaieda, who has led efforts to contain the nuclear crisis, leapt into the front row alongside them late on Friday after party kingmaker Ichiro Ozawa, who controls the DPJ's biggest faction, voiced support for him.

And he lifted a pinky finger is his direction. Don't forget the power of the Ozawa pinky in your direction!
Ozawa, a divisive figure who faces a criminal trial over a donations scandal, leads up to 130 lawmakers, although he has lost his party membership following his indictment over the scandal.

This is great: divisive figure, criminal trial, donations scandal, leads 130 lawmakers...  think that pretty much sums up the political situation here in a nutshell.
"We need support of Ozawa at a time of crisis," Kaieda told reporters late Friday.

Ha! Ha! Ha! "We need support of Ozawa at a time of crisis"!? Tell me, Einstein, when is Japan not in a crisis?
Kaieda, 62, a well-known economist before he turned to politics, also won support of former prime minister Yukio Hatoyama, a close ally with Ozawa.

Hatoyama? Oh, yeah. I seem to remember that name. He was the guy who promised to kick out the US military if elected and that he would..... ZZZZZZzzzzzzz.......
Kaieda came to be at odds with Kan, who made a policy shift away from nuclear power generation while Kaieda was trying to convince local governments to restart reactors that went offline after the disaster.
Maehara, 49, who stepped down as foreign minister in March over a donations row, could become the nation's youngest post-war prime minister. He is against raising taxes to ease Japan's fiscal woes.

Get it? Kaieda who has the support of a divisive figure who is involved with a criminal trail over a donations scandal and is supported by another loser who couldn't keep his election promises is up against another guy who has his own doantions scandal.... Ever see that British TV show, "Yes, Minister"? 


(and now for a short comedy interlude about government)
Back to the article:


Noda, 54, who recently courted controversy with statements supporting war criminals, has softened his earlier stance on hiking taxes.


Doh! How many times have I told these idiots that you don't talk about raising taxes before an election? See? This Noda guy is not completely and totally stupid. He's toned it down. Now, if he becomes PM that will only prove the rest of the nation is completely and totally stupid.

The winner faces the unenviable task of overseeing Japan's biggest post-war reconstruction, resolving the world's worst nuclear crisis since Chernobyl 25 years ago, and shielding the economy from a soaring yen.


...And the task of trying to stay in office for more than two weeks... With the even more daunting task of trying not to say something stupid once a day.
The new premier must also unite a divided parliament, decide on a new post-Fukushima energy policy and win market confidence that Japan can overcome a legislative quagmire to address the world's biggest debt mountain.


Read that last sentence again: "The new premier must also unite a divided parliament, decide on a new post-Fukushima energy policy and win market confidence that Japan can overcome a legislative quagmire to address the world's biggest debt mountain."


Bwa! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!


Just remember, no matter who becomes the next Japanese prime minister, he will look good is you just always repeat the mantra: March 11, disaster, earthquake, tsunami, Fukushima Dai ichi and Naoto Kan.


--------


NOTE: The international and local media are really turning up the gears on this new Japanese prime minister nonsense. Like I said, "who cares?" Nothing is going to change.


My good friend George Williams turned me on to this great British TV show, that I highly recommend that you watch. It is a wonderful documentary about how TV makes people stupid:



2 comments:

Marc Sheffner said...

Up to your usual standard: hilarious!
Yes, Prime Minister never fails to amuse and enlighten.

A propos Kan, here're a couple of tweets from VOA reporter Steve Herman:
W7VOA Steve Herman
No Japanese prime minister has spent 500 days in office since Koizumi. #Japan
23 hours ago
Steve Herman
W7VOA Steve Herman
Kan, in resignation remarks to reporters/nation, going on at length about his stance to cut #Japan reliance on nuke power post 3/11.
23 hours ago
Steve Herman
W7VOA Steve Herman
As Kan speaks NHK tweets not that but a poignant reminder that 20,195 people are dead/missing from March 11 disaster.

I think NHK had the last word.

Marc Sheffner said...

You may scoff, sir, but it's really very important! The Diplomat says so.