Thursday, August 25, 2011

Tell Them You Love Them and Hug Your.... Parents?

Constantly we are reading things about how we are a bunch of lousy parents (we are) and that we should be doing more for our kids (we should). 


At that same time, we often read that our poor parenting of our kids is a result of the poor parenting we received from our parents. Hmmm... I don't know if that is true or not. After all, I think most people try to do the best with the cards they are dealt. I think that, for the most part, if we are lousy parents today, it could be because we were brought up in a very prosperous society and that our parents wanted to give us all they could so maybe they spoiled us a bit. 


Nothing wrong with wanting your kids to have more than you had as a kid.


My being a lousy parent can never be blamed on my dear old mom (I miss her so) and my now ill father. 


Before I go on about my dad, let me pass on just one tip that I found yesterday from a wonderful blog by a guy named James Altucher about how we should better treat our kids. If I can just pass on one tip for you parents today, it would be this. He wrote: 


"Tell them (your kids) you love them a lot. And always tell them they’re beautiful. You’d think that’s obvious but not every kid is told that."


It's true. I thought I was very handsome when I was young but I don't remember my dad ever telling me that. My mom did often enough. I think my dad never said that because he is a handsome guy and I look like him, I suppose...


It is wonderful for a child's confidence and self-esteem to hear verification that they are beautiful (or handsome). They might think so, or they wonder if it is true ("mirror, mirror on the wall....") but to have their parents tell them that and reinforce it is priceless.


But I digress....


They say that we are bad parents because our parents dropped us as kids or beat us or kicked us. Maybe. Maybe not... But, I tell you what, we have to do our best for our children today, no matter how we were treated when we were kids as we have to strive to make their lives better than ours were (as our parents did for us!)  


Grandfather and Grandson in 2007


My father is now on hospice and is awaiting that day. He has been sick for several months and in and out of the hospital. Now, with hospice, he won't be going to the hospital again.


He is 6,000 miles away. I've been sending him snail mails and "virtual" hugs daily. I hope to call him when and if he becomes strong enough to talk again. I went to see him 2 months ago when they said, "This is it!" 


It wasn't "it". He got better. He's a tough onery guy. I don't expect that he's going to go so easily.


Unfortunately, I am not filthy rich so I have to work. I have a family and a job to do so I cannot be running back and forth half way around the world constantly. So, besides hugging my kids and telling them that I love them and that they are beautiful, I tell my dad the same thing.


Of course I pray about these things nightly (and in the morning) too!


I was upset when my mom died but really had no regrets because I told her that I loved her every chance I got.


My dad always tells me he loves us, but he doesn't really have too... We know it.


Now, come to think of it, that I constantly tell (told) my parents and children that I love them, perhaps I was brought up pretty well after all...


Ultimately, everyone knows that what goes around comes around... And when I am on my death bed, I hope my children tell me that they love me all the while telling their own children the same.


Of course, I'm going to keep telling them that I love them and they are beautiful and handsome.


I think that's one step towards living life with no regrets.




-Big hugs and thanks to Eiko and Lucia for helping my dad in these difficult times. Good folks like you two make this world a little bit better place to live.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

God gives us package deals. Our genetics and environment are beyond our control, but God in his infinite power knows the final result.

I(we) worked very hard at raising my (our) six children. They are adults that we are very proud of. We taught by instruction, example and expectations. We loved them, and they loved us. We were always honest with them and to others and they are honest. We are skilled and have the joy of making, and they in turn did also. We disciplined with love and they do this with their children as well. We cared for our parents as they became frail and gave them a lifetime example of what a commitment really is. We love God and they, in turn love God.