Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Gaijin Gourmet! Ladies! Beware of All Men!

Ladies! Beware of All Men!

Welcome, ladies, once again to another episode of the Gaijin Gourmet ®.

I am here to tell you again to be very careful about men. Not just Handsome Foreign Gentlemen ®, but all men! 

Men are dangerous and not to be trusted!

Why are they dangerous? Well, you can trust me because I am divorced twice and married three times so I know exactly what I am talking about here. 

I am an expert. 

You see, all men have one of at least three problems. Those problems are:

1)    Too much drinking or dallying in other mind altering substances

2)    Gambling too much (and losing all the time)

3)    Running around with other women

Yes. That’s right. If you have a man as your partner right now, then watch out! He most definitely has at least one of these problems right now! I know, because I used to have all three as MY PROBLEM ® all at the same time!

What should you do to make sure your guy doesn’t mess up your relationship with one of these problems? Easy. You have to control all the money and put him on an allowance!

My wife gives me ¥1000 a day (about $10 USD) when I go out to work so I don’t have any money to go gambling, drinking too much or running around with other women! I want to (don’t tell my wife), but since I have no money, I can’t!

Sure, it will be difficult to get your guy to give you all the money every month! Why is it difficult? Because he wants to go gambling and drinking and running around with loose women of extremely questionable moral values too! 

That’s what guys do!

But, you see, it’s better for everyone if you control all the money!

Sooner or later, he will calm down (probably after he finally matures - at around 68-years-old). When us guys get older, we aren’t interested in running around with women anymore. It’s easier, faster and cheaper to just to sit at home and watch pornography… 

That way we don’t have to lie to our wives. Why don't we have to lie to our wives? They already know what we are doing at home all alone while they go shopping! See? They won't bother to ask us, "What did you do all day?" 

They already know the answer to that!

The other reason why it is actually easier for us guys to not have piles of money laying around is that we don’t get ourselves into trouble! Yes. That’s it. 

If the wife is controlling the money, then we don’t have to worry about spending too much or getting into trouble. It’s like being an 8-year-old boy again! Great! Ask your guy when he was happiest in his entire life and he will tell you that he was happiest when he was a little boy. Why? He didn’t have to worry about money and mom took care of everything! When he wanted to buy something, he asked mom and she either said, “Yes!” or “No!” Simple!

Simple is best!

But, there is one thing I should warn you ladies about if you control all the money, that is because when it comes to tax time, it is your job to take care of it.

At my house, when it is tax time and my wife has a mountain of papers and receipts to take care of and she is frustrated and tired, I always say, “Honey! That’s terrible. I wish I could help, but I don’t control the money… By the way, can I have ¥3000 yen (about $30 USD) to go to the local yakitori (BBQ chicken on sticks)? That way I won’t bother you.”

Everyone is happy!

At least I know I am.

And speaking of drinking, did you know that recent research has shown that couples who drink together are happier than couples who do not drink together? That’s right. A study from New York University at Buffalo followed more than 600 couples as they began their new marriages. The couples filled out a questionnaire before their wedding and the same questionnaire after one, two, four, and seven years of marriage. The study found that couples with different drinking habits became dissatisfied with one another more easily than couples who enjoy drinking together!

So, if you want to be happy, then drink with your partner often!

And, if you are controlling the cash, then trust that your guy will consider that you are a great drinking partner... Especially since you are the one with the money, you'll be the one who always pays!

And if you are buying the drinks, then you can bet your bottom dollar, he'll be happy!

You can thank me later! 

NOTE: Did you know that, in Japan, in over 80% of all households, the wife controls the purse strings? This is also, I think, one of the big reasons why divorce rate in Japan is so low (of course there are lots of other factors too; stigma, economic reasons, etc.)


Looking for a great Yakitori restaurant near Futakotamagawa? See:

Gaijin Gourmet! New Delicious Yakitori (Chicken BBQ on Sticks) In Futakotamagawa!


Andrew Joseph said...

I agree... which is why I control my own money and don't have a cell phone...
Of course, after I pay the bills and all that crap, there's no money left over to drink, gamble of chase women... or even to get a cell phone...
Maybe this only applies to men who have jobs where there is excess money at the end of a pay period. I used to know what that was like... it as also when I drank a lot and chased women. Never gambled.... of course, I was also single.
The moral of the story is you'll go broke when you are married. Is that about right, Mike? LOL!

Anonymous said...

And, * I was * going to tell my better half about this website, for the music,... ah-hem, Not. Anymore. But seriously, that's not a bad plan, the whole allowance deal. It's just that *I* couldn't do it. Or, wouldn't?
Anyway, my mind is on fire tonight, can't sleep, just thinking about - stuff - like this blog, and The whole of Life on the big round ball of dirt, and geo-engineering with coal fly ash, and being bitten by the Vampire Squid, a.k.a. The State, and how that advise likely would have prevented it,... - maybe - ...'cause you know, a man determined, and all that....

In the background, ok, in my head, I keep thinking of a Talking Heads song, 'Monkey' with a line I don't even know is there or not its been so long since I heard the song (they don't play anything but the same 40 songs for the last twenty years on the radio here in the Midwestern unitedstate) the line is, 'Rat of a rat'.
...One of them bit me. No, three of them did, plus a fourth which was hiding, and the judge, and all the hanger-ons trying to get their piece of me. Bastards. Crap. I think I even lost my nerve as a result. You (I, at least) don't know how valuable that is, until it's gone, or crushed flat.

I read on a bible commentary that wine in the unitedstate HAS to be a certain percent rum and whiskey. 'I did Not know that.' (Que, Johnny Carson.) Is that true? If so, that's messed Up. Plus, american't wine has (toxic) sugar added to it, unlike European wines, or so I've read. (Funny how that's not on the ingredients label) B.S. all around.

@Andrew, after reading your bit, all I could think was: you've Got to lower your living standards if you have Nothing left over after paying the bills. Real wealth, is savings. Even IF it's just one thin silver dime at a time. You're living too large, mang, too large. Besides, how is The State (or, an ex) supposed to take from you if you have nothing to take>? (Don't answer that. Of course, "they" have their ways. Bastards.)

'Rat of a rat'... 'Monkey'.

Chasing women IS gambling.

I hope the moral of the story isn't that you'll go broke if you're married. 'Cause that would be wrong, imho. I have never had so much money since I've been married, and I mean, look at mike, he has ten Bucks to spend every day on good Eats and does not have to mess around with crap tax demand papers or balancing checkbooks. I call that, rich. Especially, if she is ok with it and doesn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers? Another form of, real wealth? Seems like maybe he has a woman worth her weight in rubies. ?

- helot