2 PM in the Afternoon? Need a Laugh? Have a Drink With Me!

I took the day off from work today and stayed home.

This douchenozzle that I work with at one of the radio stations got fired yesterday. I am celebrating. I had been putting up with his dishonesty, lying nonsense, and assorted peanut-flavored bullshit for 2 years. Finally, the idiots at station woke from their slumber and canned the guy.

Dumb-asses! What took so long?

Lord! I am surrounded by douchebags!

I had planned on staying home and drinking from lunch time... Just like being in America again and working at the stock brokerage.

We used to have two martini lunches. I'd be so toasted by 1 pm that I could hardly drive a car. But it was OK, that was back in the seventies so if a cop stopped you for drunk driving, he didn't immediately shove a pistol sideways up your ass.

My wife complains that if I stay home and don't do anything, then getting drunk in the daytime is bad. WTF? What's the point of staying home and doing nothing if you aren't going to get drunk?

First, I wanted to make it somewhat useful (doing nothing) by barbecuing in the back yard. 

I even washed and sliced some food.... I called another drunk friend over...

But, NO!!!! The wife says we can't barbecue in the back yard because if my friend and I are doing that in the backyard, then when we get drunk (well, actually, when I get drunk) we'll be too loud and make too much noise.

Why does she care about that? 

Well, because my son has a fever and is sick and home from school today and the bedroom is right above the patio so she says if we make too much noise, he won't be able to sleep.

OK, so then.... 

I say that my friend (that's you for all intents and purposes) and I will go to the local watering hole (that happens to be open in the daytime and has happy hour until 5 pm). She says "OK!" and actually gives me money! That's good!

No, that's bad! Because when she gives me the money I can tell she is irritated.

So, after a while of her huffing and puffing, I ask her, "You don't want me to go drinking outside, do you?"

She doesn't say. But I've been married long enough know what that means.

So, I called my friend and cancelled the drinking party for two. 

I cooked the food that I had prepared for the barbecue in a fry pan and gave it to the wife. Hell, why not? The dog won't eat mushrooms!

Anyway, I am drinking home alone now. It's 2:15 pm and I'm drunk. Drinking alone....

But this is really funny. Watch this and know why I am laughing:

Go have a drink... With me.