It has been revealed to this writer (from anonymous sources who cannot be named) the Top Secret and Exclusive Story and script for the upcoming $550 million dollar budget "Return of the Hulk" film set for theatrical release in early 2020.
Here is the story:
Bruce Banner, feeling lonely, embarrassed, and dejected after the miserable failure of that crap Marvel Movie Club: The Incredible Hulk feature film in 2008
(IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800080/?ref_=fn_al_tt_4) hadn't been seen in public for years.
During this time, Bruce, chasing Dr. Elizabeth "Betty" Ross's tail for over 5 decades, finally gives up on her and starts drinking heavily to wash away his feelings of being a complete failure in life.
One fine day, Bruce Banner is sitting at home on Sunday morning watching an NFL game and drinking Buttwiper beer with his friends and their girlfriends. He is amazed at just how everybody is so freaking enthralled with NFL football players. He can't believe it.
Neither can I.
So, he decides that he can redeem himself if he becomes a pro-NFL player. He goes out to try out for the position of middle linebacker for the Chicago Bears... Because he is so nervous, he fails to turn into the Incredible Hulk everytime he's put into the scrimmage and he gets his ass run over by guys three times his size.
Finally, Bears coach, Dick Buttkiss, cuts him from the squad.
Soon after, Banner gets so pissed off at himself that he turns into the Hulk and wrecks the locker room where he is spotted and picked up by a scout from the Green Bay Packers!
The Packers sign the Hulk. That year, the Packers, with the help of the Incredible Hulk, who had 627 interceptions, 2879 unassisted tackles, 97 blocked extra point and field goal kicks, and 278 TDs in his rookie year, go to the Super Bowl.
Just before the Superb Owl, Betsy calls Bruce at home to ask him if he's going to the big game. Bruce says he will and promises to meet her there right after... But now Bruce really knows he's in love with Betsy and she loves him, I mean, Bruce, er, the Incredible Hulk... Whatever...
Bruce decides that when they win the game that day, he will give the Super Bowl ring to Betsy and finally admit to her who he really is and then he is going to ask her to marry him. Happy ending, right?
Not so fast!
Just before kickoff, while sneaking into the locker room to change, Bruce actually spots Betsy in the stands waving to him and blowing kisses before the big game, he is so happy and gleeful that he fails to turn into the Hulk for the entire first three and 1/2 quarters of the game.
When coach Buttkiss threatens the Hulk with a suspension and a $1500 fine, for freaking not even showing up to the game, and Bruce hears this and has a cow (realizing he might not get a Super Bowl ring to give) he turns into the Incredible Hulk, and joins late in the game.
There are 3 seconds left on the clock. The Denver Raiders have a chippy shot 15-yard-field goal to kick. The Hulk runs onto the field as the crowd goes wild!...
Just as they are about to kick, the Hulk glances at Betsy in the stands and his heart melts.... He feels like he is turning back into Bruce Banner!
Can he hold on being the Incredible Hulk just long enough to block just one more field goal and win the big game?
1 comment:
Ha-ha!
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