Monday, August 12, 2013

Groupon Vailiantly Hangs on in Her Fight to Remain Dead!

Groupon? Remember that? (Polite applause and laughter here).

Bwa! Ha! Ha! If we turn our sales charts upside down, we're profitable!

Some guy wrote this humorous letter to me about my bashing of Groupon in Groupon Heads for Bankruptcy. You see, Groupon has been (and still is) a dog stock and company. The other day, Groupon had a whopping 30% share price rise. Amazing!? Who knows in this day and age.?

What caused this rise? Was it a new contract? No. Massive new sales? No. A new fangled technology? Tie-up with Google? Amazon? Disneyland? Nope. Nothing like that. The share price rise was caused by the announcement of a new CEO (to replace the cluster-f*ck former CEO Andrew Mason!) Big deal... 

I have a good question for any of you entertaining the ridiculous notion that this news is all that great. In act, I contend that this news portends and company in a fatal management crisis: Mason left end of February.... Have you EVER heard of a company that fired their CEO and then took almost 6 months to find a replacement? Think about why it took so long to find a replacement and then, they got a founder to do it anyway? I'll tell you what that means; it means that the new CEO didn't want the job either (Been there. Done that) and took it because there WAS NO OTHER CHOICE!

Desperate decisions don't usually become good business decisions, do they?

By the way, I had been saying for months that Andrew Mason ha screws loose. Replacing this guy, like I said, should make any company share price jump. The guy is a complete lunatic. Well, my friends, don't believe me, judge for yourself. See what he's done since he left the company thanks to TechCrunch: Ex-Groupon CEO Andrew Mason Releases Hokey Rock Album To Soundtrack Your Pivot (Review) | TechCrunch

If you’re a tech exec who finds Nickelback a bit too edgy, Groupon’s former CEO Andrew Mason has just released an album for you. Now available on iTunes and Spotify, ”Hardly Workin’” is 80s alternative rock about how to run your startup. I can’t tell if it’s a joke or not, but, regardless, it will make you laugh, either with or at Mason.

“I was climbing Machu Pichu / As I beheld the splendid view / An idea came for 100 million / Of shareholder value” is the kind of lyrical brilliance you’ll find on Hardly Workin’. Mason moans and croons over generic alternative rock — the kind that wouldn’t make the cut on a Huey Lewis and The News album.

That the shareholder of Groupon finally wised up and fired this guy and replaced him with someone else should make the stock price of any company jump! Groupon is so inept they could only squeeze 30% from a new CEO (and, by the way, the new CEO is a founder who must have been one of the people who voted Mason in as CEO, so consider that!)

Is a 30% jump so incredible these days? I'm not so sure. Check your Tokyo shares prices and see that Value Commerce was up over 20% at 2pm last Thursday (8/8/13) on no news also.

Anyway, this reader (obviously a poor soul who hasn't learned a basic lesson of investing: When a stock is going nowhere, sell it (or avoid it in the first place). .... When its price drops, take profits when your position doubles or close out the position at the best possible time. Take your losses and learn a lesson.

But this guy won't. He has some wild idea that Groupon is going to recover to its $27 dollar price... Excuse me while I wipe the coffee that just came out my nostrils from laughing....

Anyway, just to show how delusional and confused some people are, the reader writes (concerning the 30% price jump): 

Groupon? Oh, but you were so wrong!

Now if they can just do this another... lessee... four times, and they'll be over their IPO price! 

Groupon Shares Make Their Biggest One-Day Jump Ever!

OK. Is this guy a great comedian or is he serious? I think he is joking (I hope he's joking!!!!) Here's how I replied:

Lessee.....From $8.75 to $10.57.... The shares were about $27 at one time (Nov. 2011)... Go ahead, buy GroupOn! The investment of a lifetime, I reckon! You are happy about a 30% jump in one day? You're kidding, right? In that same time (From Nov. 2011 to today), the S&P 500 has jumped more than 144% while Groupon has lost nearly 70%... I highly suggest that you study what qualitative easing should (and does) do to stock prices. 

That the Dow, S&P, etc. are all seeing huge run-ups yet Groupon is still in the doghouse and people crow simply makes former brokers like me just shake their heads... I think the word is "Muppets" is the term people use today.... Lambs to the slaughter. 

Do yourself a favor. Take my advice, sell off your Groupon shares now. Take your losses and learn a lesson. A 30% jump on nothing but news that a new CEO is appointed when the business plan is still built on Email SPAM is a FARCE. 

Expect Groupon share prices to hit their inherent value in the near future: Zero.

Thanks to my friend, James E.!!!!! You are tops!


Anonymous said...

Um, yeah, I was kidding. I guess I should have made it a bit more obvious?

James said...

Um, yeah, I was kidding. Perhaps I should have made it a bit more clear?

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