Obesity is the Number 1 Problem Facing America Killing Over 300,000 a Year! - Ban Spoons! Enforce a "No Pie Zone" Over the USA!

"Obesity, Diabetes, Heart Disease, High Blood Pressure costs this country more than $120 billion dollars each year." - Michele Obama

It is well known that obesity is Americas number one killer today. Don't believe me, just take a gander at a photo of Michelle Obama as she makes the quote above. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! 

"The spoons made me do it!"

Recently many people in the USA have been calling for a gun ban as we all know that inanimate objects (as well as God, dogs, voices in the head and Frank Zappa recordings) can and do control human actions. Guns are responsible for about 9,000 deaths in the US annually. Meanwhile obesity, er, I mean, spoons and forks, account for over 300,000 deaths. Where are our priorities?

Of course we need to ban all guns and ammo (as well as camoflage clothing, night vision glasses, camping equipment and Sterno lanterns). But, let's get our house in order and set our priorities straight! We must fight back against the obesity epidemic by severely restricting spoons and all other types of silverware and table utensils.

The real problem with America today is obesity... Therefore I propose a federal ban on spoons as too many Americans eat far too much ice cream and sweets... I also propose enforcing a "No Pie Zone" over all major American cities.

I have pitched this idea and done so for absolutely free (no copyright claims to come from me as I do this for the greater good). I have also shown this idea to my intelligent friends on Facebook and asked for their opinions. I think you'll find the following exchange of ideas to be quite refreshing and invigorating....

Let's now put our heads together and find a way, a true way, in the American spirit of bi-partisanship in finding the best way to deal with this obesity scourge that is obviously caused by kitchen utensils. 

I have a dream! Today spoons and forks, tomorrow ice cream cups and tabel cloths!

Let the discussion begin! Here's how we tackle this obesity epidemic once and for all! Here are selected quotes from today's distinguished panel! 

Red Brown: You need to move incrementally--you can't just throw this down all at once. First you need to make people register their spoons, and also restrict the capacity of spoons allowed. Once that becomes accepted, you can move towards limiting the number of spoons a person can have, and you can also restrict the movement or exchange of any spoons. Then, and this is the important part, you announce that there is a bill in the works to criminalize any and all silverware. Finally, you strike down all the provisions of this new bill except banning spoons of any type. You also move most of the old spoon restrictions over to forks. Everyone thinks they got off pretty well and gives up their spoons--easy as that!

Marc Abela: Since you don't want to alarm everyone, first I suggest we increase taxes and add bureaucrats who will build a paper based federal spoon-registry list.... all spoons will need to have a serial number on them, and they will need to be registered and attached to a clearly identified owner...

Me: Good idea! I suggest a federal commission be created to study the feasibility of federally mandated studies studying registration of spoons. Perhaps we can implant chips in the spoons to make sure individuals are not sharing their spoons with other people in violation of section 23.10009234B of the "Freedom in Spoonerisms Act of 2013." My only fear is that people will use loopholes to get around the laws and insist, for example, that those little plastic spoons you get at Starbucks for stirring coffee be exempt from all federal regulations and taxes.

Robert Gibson Hill: Make everyone eat with a coke-spoon.

Me: Harrumph! Are those Coke spoons under 16oz size?

Red Brown: Unfortunately, a huge black market, of illegal spoons from foreign countries and also locally made spoons, explodes into existence and the Feds create a new bureaucracy called the BATFU (Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms & Utensils). This monstrosity consumes 1/10 of our federal budget and most of the employees are grossly-overweight. It doesn't matter though because nobody but extremists and conspiracy theorists give a shit.

Me: "BATFU !?" I laughed so hard coffee came out of my nostrils on that one!!! Well, it's all good on paper, but will it really work? Usually, as Ron Paul says, "Enforcing No Pie Zones" is an act of war under the Geneva Convention.....A precedes a full fledged military invasion (to seize spoons). Can the US afford such actions under the current economic environment? I think not... That is, unless, of course, the invasion pays for itself when we melt down those spoons and resale the metal to China (like the Iraq war was paid for by oil seized).

Red Brown: The BATFU is here to see you! They are now working with the DHS (Dept of Household Security) and need to see your kitchen. A no pie zone has been established between Wendy's and Arby's, where your neighborhood is.

Red Brown: It is illegal to have your own black market pie, but you can buy commercial pies--they just taste like shit and cost a lot. I have heard there is a pied pipeline, from Mexico, and you can get pies there--they all taste like cinnamon, though.

Me: I hear Hostess pies are still available down on Market & 5th street. Ask around....

Red Brown: 'm cracking myself up just thinking about this--what a total folly it always is when the government sets out to help us by harming us.

Me: No! No! You are not adult and mature enough to understand the difference between a safety spoon and a dangerous one. Sure, sure, some people say spoons are a "Gateway utensil" that, later on in life, leads to even more over eating, but that hasn't been proven in laboratory tests!

Me: Heads Up! They just made these illegal! 

Read the description on this pocket monstrosity! It says, "Look like a big honkin’ swiss army knife, the Eatensil is designed for the kitchen. It combines seven tools which make eating easier—a spoon, fork, knife, pizza cutter, chopsticks, bottle opener and wooden chip fork—all in a Swiss Army Knife-type casing." "The Eatensil"???? We've got to put a stop to this!!!!

Red Brown: Remember, food is bad. The last two letters are OD (outside diameter) as if it were some kind of sick joke. I used chop sticks the other night--they are the bolt action rifle of utensils, for sure. Easy to manufacture, though. How anyone could get fat with those damned things is beyond me...

Me: You are either with us or you're with the delicatessen owners.

Marc Abela: Hahaha, thanks for the great (great) laugh. OK so, I'm ready when you are, my "but spoons DO help" poster should be ready in a few moments (for the moment all the crazy revolutionary rebels come shouting our way "spoons don't feed people, people feed people!").
  Yep. Outlaw guns because guns cause gun crimes. Outlaw glass bottles at bars because glass bottles cause people to get their necks slashed. Outlaw kitchen knives because they stab people...

But remember to shout down those who don't think that inanimate objects control people to do things they normally wouldn't do. The evidence is there and the science is decided....

If anyone says "Spoons don't feed people, people feed people" make sure you print this article and shove it down their throats.... 

Because everyone knows printing machines cause choking.

More Global Warming Kills Japanese People With Massive Snow and Storms, Death Toll of Japan's Winter Storm Now 83 - No End to Storm in Sight

Well, here we are folks, the terrible snow storm that I reported on exactly one week ago shows no sign of letting up and now at least 83 people in Japan have died.

Agence France-Presse reports in: Japan braces for more snow as death toll hits 83 

TOKYO–Northern Japan was bracing for more heavy snow Friday as severe winter weather continues to cause misery across a large part of the country, claiming at least 83 lives so far.

Forecasters were predicting up to 60 centimeters (24 inches) of snow would fall in parts of the northernmost island of Hokkaido and in the north of Japan’s main island of Honshu over 24 hours.

In Sukayu, in Aomori prefecture, where the temperature dropped to minus 12.8 degrees Celsius (10 degrees Fahrenheit) on Friday, more than four meters of snow is already lying on the ground, with more forecast.

In Hijiori in northwestern Yamagata prefecture, where the average annual snowfall is 2.6 meters, there is already four meters of snow.

The snow has extended over a wide area of the country with Kasumi in Hyogo prefecture north of Kyoto getting 82 centimeters nearly seven times its annual average of 12 centimeters.

Since November when snow started to fall, 60 people have died as they were removing snow from roofs or roads.

Heavy loads of snow falling from buildings or other structures have killed 15 people and four more have died in avalanches, including at a popular hot springs resort, the disaster management agency said.

The extreme weather, which has filled evening news reports for weeks, has also claimed four other lives, the government agency said.

Video quick translation: 

This is the most snow the Japan Sea side of Japan has seen in several years. THe old woman being interviewed says it's the most snow in decades. In Hokkaido, Aomori and Yamagata it's the most snow they've had in seven years. In Toyama, it snowed 30 centimeters overnight and now has had 80 centimeters which is the most snow in 16 years. Not only that, though, according to the weather reports, these areas are looking to be hit with another 30 ~ 50 centimeters of snow in the next few days.

Yamagata has been hit with 91 cm of snow. The most in 31 years.

I must say, as a person who works with major Japanese broadcasting stations, the most interesting thing about all this has been the sudden ending of commercials and station spots talking about how the broadcasting stations are tying up with this company (or that) to fight against Global Warming... Of course, it wouldn't do to be broadcasting commercials on TV or the radio that say things like, 

"Stop the Global Warming!" 

When people are freezing their a*sses off and dying. I'll bet those people in northern Japan would love to have some of that Global Warming right now.

By the way, that Kyoto statistic is interesting, Japan has been keeping consistent and competent weather records since the early 1950s. That 82 centimeters in Kyoto at seven times the annual average is the highest it's been in over 35 years.... And there's no sign of the snow letting up. 

We could be heading for the worst winter in 30 or 40 years for Japan.

Japan Has Heaviest Snow in Five Years - At Least 52 Dead - One Steel Bridge Collapsed

The news about the worst winter storm to hit Japan in five years with a still rising death toll has hit Japan.

Photos taken within last 24 hours

ABC News reports in "Japan Snowstorm Kills 52, Crushes Steel Bridge"

Heavy snowfall has crippled much of Japan’s western coast, killing more than 50 people and injuring nearly 600. The worst snowstorm in six years has dumped more than 10 feet of snow in the hardest-hit regions, causing at least one bridge to collapse and forcing school closures across the region.

Western Japan has been battered by one snowstorm after another since the beginning of the year, overwhelming cash-strapped cities struggling to keep up with cleanup efforts.  In the Niigata Prefecture, officials said nearly half of their 30 cities had run out of funds set aside snow removal. Further north in the Aomori Prefecture, the government had already applied for additional funds from Tokyo, after draining its budget.

UPDATE: Three more killed in avalanche. Death toll now at 56 and over 750 injured.

The important point to note is that this fierce winter storm is not just limited to Japan. It is stretching across all of Asia, China, Korea and Eastern Europe.

In the Ukraine, the cold was 33 degrees centigrade below zero (-27.4 F) the coldest it's been in six years. More than 40 people have died there along with Eastern Europe and the cold weather strikes. In Ukraine, which killed more than 40 people. In Poland, at least 20 are dead; in Rumania 14 have died and there are 8 dead in Bulgaria as well as deaths reported in Serbia and Bosnia Herzegovina. At least 80 people have died and authorities in Europe, as well as Japan, expect more cold and snow in the coming days.  

That huge snowstorms hit all across the world in wintertime should not be a surprise nor even newsworthy. But this coming just after the snowstorms in the USA and now today's storm in East Europe and Asia, should cause those of us who can remember what we were told more than ten years ago to scoff.

To refresh your memory, let us not forget the Monday March 20, 2000 article that ran in the Independent UK that was entitled: Snowfalls are now just a thing of the past:

Britain's winter ends tomorrow with further indications of a striking environmental change: snow is starting to disappear from our lives.

The first two months of 2000 were virtually free of significant snowfall in much of lowland Britain, and December brought only moderate snowfall in the South-east. It is the continuation of a trend that has been increasingly visible in the past 15 years: in the south of England, for instance, from 1970 to 1995 snow and sleet fell for an average of 3.7 days, while from 1988 to 1995 the average was 0.7 days. London's last substantial snowfall was in February 1991.

Global warming, the heating of the atmosphere by increased amounts of industrial gases, is now accepted as a reality by the international community. 

Average temperatures in Britain were nearly 0.6°C higher in the Nineties than in 1960-90, and it is estimated that they will increase by 0.2C every decade over the coming century. Eight of the 10 hottest years on record occurred in the Nineties. (emphasis mine)

However, the warming is so far manifesting itself more in winters which are less cold than in much hotter summers. (again emphasis mine) According to Dr David Viner, a senior research scientist at the climatic research unit (CRU) of the University of East Anglia,within a few years winter snowfall will become "a very rare and exciting event".

"Children just aren't going to know what snow is," he said.

Oh really? Interestingly enough, just two days ago, without much fanfare, the the climatic research unit (CRU) of the University of East Anglia released information that showed no global warming in 15 years. Some people will claim "cherry picking results" but I wonder how measuring the nineties (ten years) versus the last 15 years wouldn't also be considered said "Cherry picking"?

Intelligent people on either side of the argument (believers and disbelievers) should like to have an answer to that question, I would imagine.

NOTE: If you want to see awesome photos of how much it snows in Toyama, Japan every year, see: Global Warming Strikes Toyama Japan! http://modernmarketingjapan.blogspot.com/2011/01/global-warming-strikes-toyama-japan.html