How to Win at Life! - Positive Thinking Will Create Your Own Luck! The Joy is in the Action!

One of the greatest hockey players in history, Wayne Gretzky, once said, "The shots you will definitely miss are the ones you don't take."


About one year ago today, I wrote a blog post entitled, "Winning at Raffles, Bingo and Winning at Life Are Exactly the Same! Here's 5 Simple Tips on How to Win at All of Them!" I know that it must have been about one year ago today because last night was the annual Bingo tournament at the local international school again and, just like last year, my son won again... In fact, he won four times out of twelve games. Granted that there's six to eight winners every game, so out of twelve games, there's a total of about 72 prizes... But in an auditorium of 700~800 people and most people playing more than two or three bingo cards, the odds of winning four times in one sitting are pretty minuscule.

A family that can spend time together having fun is winning at life!

That wasn't his record, though, one time he won five times in one sitting.

Anyway, from that blog post a year ago, "Winning at Raffles, Bingo and Winning at Life Are Exactly the Same! Here's 5 Simple Tips on How to Win at All of Them!" I wrote: 

Winning at raffles, bingo and winning at life are very, almost eerily, similar and I'd like to talk to you about that today. I think, if there is anything that I have been a massive success in my life at is that is being able to convince my children that they will win. I have shown them that the way to win is by first believing that you will win. I have even convinced - may I suggest that I brainwashed - my third daughter into believing that she would conquer "incurable" forth stage cancer. 

But before I go into theory and philosophy more, allow me to continue with telling you about the past and our "luck" and wins in all sorts of games and winning at bingo. Two years ago, we won the very top prize of a vacation to Okinawa that included hotel and airfare. Yesterday, he won the trip to New York. In February of this year, he won a gift certificate worth several hundred dollars at a very famous store in Tokyo. Last year, he won five times out of a total of 12 games or so in one tournament. Think about that; there are seven hundred people all competing at bingo trying to win the prize. To win once is enough to bring wide smiles and cheers to anybody's face. But he won five games in one night! That must be a record. Every time my son won, people were astounded. By the forth time he won, everyone was clapping for him. By the fifth time, people were verbally shouting, "That's incredible!" "I've never heard of such a thing."

Yesterday, again, when my son won the first time, people were laughing and saying, "There he goes again! He always wins!" By the time he won the second, third or even forth time, people seemed dumbfounded. Actually, I was sitting across from my son and watching him. He came awfully close to winning another six times or so. A few times, he sat with a card that almost immediately had four numbers in a row waiting for his final number to be called. But the numbers didn't come. A few times, the announcer called and called out another dozen numbers or so, until someone else finally called out "Bingo!" 

My son, after winning the four times, was going after a record-breaking (at least for him) sixth time.

Now, how does winning at bingo and winning at life relate to each other?

Well, I hate sounding like a salesman, because I'm not selling you anything, but I'm here to tell you right now you can become one of those lucky people... 

There are two really important things that you need to understand about becoming one of these lucky people. One is understanding what exactly it is that we are doing and its purpose in our life; and the second part is how these things affect your entire belief system. These two go hand in hand. 

A happy kid who actually believes... This is the true lesson I want to teach him about life... Who cares about trinkets?

The first part about understanding what it is that we are doing is, perhaps, the most important part. Today, we're using bingo as an example, so let's go with that. Think about this; is winning at bingo the best part of going to bingo? Is winning everything? I don't think so.

At bingo, I meet friends and other parents and always smile and shake their hands and say, "Hi!" We are all at bingo so, of course, the subject quickly turns to bingo. I always try to be extremely positive and say, "I always win!" They laugh. They don't believe me (the ones who knows us well don't laugh). Invariably, they all say the same thing,

"I never win." 

They say this with a voice of exasperation and defeat. Poor folks. They are totally and completely missing the point. They are really missing the boat in the bad lesson that they are unknowingly teaching their children subconsciously. Get this: I suggest to you that they are teaching their children defeatism and a losing attitude. 

I can imagine this family in my head; after "losing" at bingo (I mean they don't win a "prize"), they hop in the car and go home. Dad and mom and kids are sad because they "didn't win." When they get into the house, dad takes off his coat and gives out a very loud sigh. "We lost again!" He says.

Is that any way to teach your children how to win? Is that any way to teach your children how to be positive?  

Here is what I always tell my son before we play bingo;

"Remember the best part of bingo is not in the "winning," it is in the "doing." Just being able to be here playing bingo is winning. This is fun and it is a wonderfully exciting time we spend together. Just by being here, we have already won. So smile and let's have fun!" 

It is. Playing bingo with my wife and son is a great memory and it is so very much fun. 

I tell my son this because I want him to be a winner. I want him to understand what "being a winner" truly is. This sort of thinking, this positive attitude, actually, I learned from an old Zen Buddhist saying,

"The joy is in the action, not in the result."

Can you understand this concept? The joy is in the action, not the result. Get it? I think people who truly love to paint or fish or golf, etc., can understand this. For the painter, a beautiful work is nice, but the true value and joy is not the finished painting, it is in the action of painting. For the fisherman, of course catching a fish is fun, but the true joy is standing there alone in front of nature and contemplating life - the joy is in the doing; for the golfer, the winning score is interesting, but soon forgotten; the real joy is in the day and the time considering the play. For all of them, the real value is in the action, not in the result. 

This is what is meant by, "The joy is in the action, not in the result."

Now, do you understand why, whether or not my son wins a big prize (a trinket), he knows, he believes and knows in his heart that he is a true winner? Can anyone deny that, regardless of prize, that we won merely by being able to go and play together and enjoy this moment together on our short time on this earth? 

So, friends, think about what is really important! Is it a trinket? Think about it; how many others are suffering? How many families would love to visit bingo together as a family but one child is ill in the hospital with a deadly disease? How many people in this world can't enjoy even having shoes upon their feet? Yet these families can come to the bingo event with their children and enjoy a wonderful exciting time together! Spending this short fleeting time with ones children while you can is winning in every sense of the word.

If your kids are healthy and you have the time to spend with them at a school function playing Bingo, or even reading a book together then, trust me, you have already won..... You are alive. You are together. You and your child are healthy? You are a winner.

So remember, my friends, what winning really is. Is it getting a package of trinkets or tickets to go somewhere or is it spending a lovely time together and giving your child your complete and total self and your dedication and time? 

No! We have "won" simply because we are there together having fun! Who cares about some trinkets?

So for this morning, look at your children. Do you have a happy and healthy family? Yes? Then remember, that whether it is a bingo or a raffle or a drawing, daily life or whatever; if your children are healthy and you are spending a fun time together with them, that alone makes you a grand prize winner in life! Never forget that.

So smile and say, "Yes! I won!"

Some people will scoff at this (they have a losing attitude). But let me ask you to consider this question: There are two children. They both have to go to school. One wakes up in the morning and says, "I don't want to go to school. School is no fun." The other wakes up and says, "I want to go to school. School is fun." Which kid gets good grades at school? Which kid becomes successful at school? Which kid is positive, is popular, gets the best girlfriend or boyfriend and becomes class king or class queen?

Simple, isn't it? It is the old chicken and the egg problem. Which came first? The kid liking school or the positive attitude? Which came first? Hating school or the negative attitude? And how did these children get these attitudes?

How do these attitudes affect our belief system? How can we change these attitudes? And, if we have children, how can we stop teaching them bad attitudes and start teaching them beneficial ones?

I think it is obvious how these attitudes affect our belief system. In the example above, do you want to be like the father above who comes home exasperated and continually expressed doubt and a defeatist attitude to himself or his children, or, do you want to be the person who understands that the joy is in the action and not the result?

Again, yesterday, before bingo started, I met a few people who claimed that my family always wins and that their family never wins. Again, I said to them what I always say,

"With saying that, it is very difficult for you to win. Imagine the Wright Brothers! Do you think they could have flown in an airplane had they not believed they could fly? Don't you think that everyone told them it was impossible? If you think you won't win, isn't that a sort of 'self-fulling prophesy'?

Many people told the Wright Brothers that, "If god had meant man to fly, he'd have given man wings." But the Wright Brothers didn't listen. They believed and their belief made them succeed. Do you think they could succeed if they didn't believe? Everyone knows the power of positive thinking!

Take the story of Jesus walking on water. In my thinking, man cannot walk on water; it is impossible. But, I believe that this story about Jesus is not literal. What I believe it represents is Jesus preaching faith and belief (read: the power of positive thinking). Of course man cannot walk on water. Walking on water is impossible. But! If man believes that he can accomplish the impossible, then he can.

That's what the story about Jesus walking on water represents to me... So can man walk on water? No! That's impossible, but in Matthew 14, Jesus walked on water and accomplished the impossible. See what I mean? The story of Jesus walking on water seems a parable to me to mean that if you believe, if you really believe, you can move mountains.... 

Gee, moving a mountain is impossible too... But people do that too!"

Believe and you can win! It doesn't matter if it's something as silly as bingo or a raffle... But believe and be positive and you can win at much more important things like life, love and success.

And now, from that former post, here's tips on concrete things that you can do  to turn your situation around and make things better STARTING RIGHT NOW:

From today, here's five things that you need to do to start on the track to believing that you can win at bingo and win at life:

1) Write down on three pieces of paper the saying, "The joy is in the action, not in the result." Tape one of the pieces of paper to the refrigerator and tape one in your car where you see it constantly and the last one in your wallet. Think about that phrase a lot. Repeat it out loud whenever or wherever you can.

2) Get a dollar notebook and start writing down your top 10 goals for your life and do it everyday! Here's how.

3) Wake up in the morning and the first thing you MUST do is think: "Smile! Today is going to be a great day!" If you can't remember to do this by yourself, then write it in large red letters on a piece of paper and tape it to your bathroom mirror.

4) Start using the Law of Attraction and positivity to create a good self-fulling prophesy to help you. Here's how. 

5) Start greeting everyone you meet with a happy and healthy "Hello!" or "Good Morning!" Stop sounding like you are dead to the world. If you greet people with an un-energetic salutation then you sound like you are losing. Stop it immediately. Everyone is searching for positive people. You should be that person. Instead of being "dark" and absorbing light like a sponge, you should give out light. People are attracted to light.

And, number six, OK, I said there'd be only five, so sue me...

6) Call your mom or dad or kids and tell them you love them and do it RIGHT NOW! Don't hesitate! Or, better yet, give them a great big hug and tell them yourself how much you love them and how beautiful they are. Realize that today is a fantastic day and you all are the luckiest people in the world... (Oh, and of you do go to bingo, take grandma... She's lucky, right?) 

Some people read this and think that I am a very lucky person. I am. But I've been through two divorces, a war with cancer, family members dying in bizarre car accidents, worrying about work as we all do (nothing special)... I've been through a lot of difficult times... But you know what? I never forget something special; I know that projecting negativity will just make things worse; I know that projecting positivity, in the face of great challenges, is creating a good outcome for myself and my loved ones through the power of the Law of Attraction. I know that, by being happy and thankful that I create a better situation for you and a better situation for myself.

Remember my friends, "The joy is in the action, not in the result."

Stay happy. Stay positive. Spread positivity. You already possess the greatest prize of all.

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NOTES: More tips on winning at life, being more positive and a better parent:

One Easy Step to Becoming a Better Parent and More Successful at Life

Pocket Notebooks - the Secret of Millionaires and People Won't Listen

How to Stop Worrying so much and Become More Successful at Life

Make Your Own Success

One Easy Step To Becoming a Better Parent and More Successful at Life 

Power of Positive Thinking and Self Fulfilling Prophesy 

Positive Thinking: The Story of A Guy Who Defeated 4th Stage Cancer - Two Sides of the Positive/Negative Thinking Coin 

The Millionaire Businessman's Way of Motivating Children (and the Child Inside All of Us!)

Motivate your children!

What child doesn't want to feel like a winner?

What adult doesn't have a child inside?

Yesterday's post about being a good salesman and selling by taking the time to find out what people want and thereby motivating them to talk to you and buy your services. In that post: Good Salesmen Do Not Sell Their Product... They Sell Solutions For Customer's Problems please refer to:

Whether with an introduction or none, the good salesman will always be able to open doors and start conversations when their approach is totally geared upon providing a solution to the prospective customers needs.

The client is not interested in what you want to sell. The client is only interested in finding a solution to their problem.

If you can be a part of that solution, you will be a great salesman and make big money. So remember to always think of your prospective customer needs first. Never meet a new client and start discussing your product. Always start discussions on their problems and needs. Sell people what they want to buy. Sell them a solution to their problems.

Marc Sheffner, a great blogger and teacher, wrote to me and said: 

Seriously, tho, tomorrow morning I have this particularly difficult class of young people. Reading your post, I wonder if I have not focused a little too much on what I want them to buy, and assumed that what I'm selling is (of course) a solution for them, one that they want (otherwise they wouldn't be in my class, right?).

Perhaps so, Marc. May I also recommend to you (everybody!), once again, to read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnagie? Please don't take my rcommendation as my foolishly thinking I am wise enough to give any sort of advice to anyone... Trust that I have and need to continually read this book. In fact, I even bought this book for someone who is much smarter than me... My wife! And I gave it to her just a few weeks ago! (OK... Maybe she ain't all that smart. After all, she married me, right? Chuckle!) 

Why did I buy this book for my wife? Well, let me give you some back ground. Take a moment to allow me to indulge in what we called in Japan "馬鹿親" Baka Oya (Stupid parents). I am a baka oya. Baka oya are parents who like to brag about their kids too much. So, I guess that means, that all parents are stupid because what parent doesn't want to brag about their kids?

My son plays classical piano. He got a late start and started at 5. (Trust me folks, for the classical piano world, that's a late start). Even though he started late, last year, he won a prestigeous award from the Japan National Piano Teacher's and Instructor's Association. That award put him in the top 20 seven to nine year old piano students in the entire country. We were, of course, so proud! 

My son practices, and has always practiced with his mom at least one hour a day, everyday, seven-days-a-week, 365 days a year. Sometimes they practice twice a day for an hour or two hours!) No misses. He does this religiously. Every day. Over and over. There's no stopping.

Now, consider, my friends, what it takes to get a 5 ~ 7-year-old to sit down at a piano and practice hard everyday? Most parents have a hard time getting their children to sit down and be quiet for five minutes! How does one motivate a small child to do something like this? Surely, we all know that yelling and threats do not work. There must be a secret to motivating children. 

My wife has been excellent at it!

Recently, though, there's been a trouble a brewing! At least twice, after piano practice with his regular teacher, my wife complained that he figeted and didn't pay attention. On three occassions, recently at home or during practice, either he came down crying or my wife came downstairs and angrily flopped on the sofa in total frustration.

The other day, when this happened for the second time, I asked my wife, "What's wrong?"

She then started complaining and reciting again the troubles I just listed. Ironically, I had been rereading "How to Win Friends and Influence People"... In one chapter in the book, Carnagie refers to getting children to do something they don't want to do. In that chapter he speaks of finding the child's motivation and finding a way to spark that.

Carnagie recalls an interesting story in the book. A woman complained to Carnagie that her sons at college would never write back to her no matter what she did. She had tried pleading and begging, even threats didn't work. Carnagie bet her that he could get the sons to write back to him immediately. 

In Carnagie's letters to the sons (I seem to remember that the boys were his nephews) he wrote something like, "I am proud to hear that you are doing well in college. Please find, enclosed in this letter, a check for $10 to spend on whatever you wish." He then intentionally forgot to enclose the check. Within a few days, both boys had written back "Thank you" notes and politely mentioned that there was no check.

Talk about finding a college student's motivation!

I ordered the book, in Japanese, for my wife. When it arrived, I gave it to her. At first, she seemed insulted. She said,

"I read this book long ago! I know all about it."

Yes. I was sure she has. It would have taken someone quite versed in this knowledge to have gotten a 5-year-old to sit down at a piano for an hour a day - and have that child actually enjoy it! I have read this book too. From reading it, I learned a thing about how to respond to a defensive comment like this one from my wife. I politely and calmly responded.

"Yes. I figured you already know everything in this book. But, since we have been having a small bit of trouble with our son's discipline recently, I reread the book and thought, perhaps, you'd enjoy reading it again too. I thought, perhaps, that maybe we were doing something differently than we were doing before and that, if we thought about it, perhaps we could do things a little bit better."

That totally disarmed her and with a kiss on the cheek, I went off to work. 

A few days later, I received an unexpected email from my wife. It said,

"Mike,

I read the book. I know almost everything in it as I have read it before. But sometimes, I see that I have been forgetting to do things this way. This book is so very useful to me. Thank you."

Thank god I reread that book. Had I not, my wife and I might have gotten into a fight about the way things were heading. If I hadn't applied what I learned in that book, here's what probably would have happened:

1) Our son would still not be practicing diligently  

2) My wife would be getting angry and frustrated

3) Piano practice would have started turning into a very unpleasant experience for all involved (which might end any future piano dreams)

4) I might get angry at my son and shout at him

5) I might have gotten frustrated with the entire situation and my wife and I would get into fights

6) Nothing positive would have been accomplished.

But, as it turned out, I kindly and politely gave the book to my wife with the words, "Perhaps we could do things a little bit better." Here's what happened:

1) My wife and I have a closer relationship and understanding

2) My wife was reminded of the magic she used to get her son to practice diligently and seriously before

3) Practice has been going well

4) My son is happy because, instead of anger, he gets praise

5) Only positive things have been accomplished.

What a relief. And it's all so simple.

I highly recommend "How to Win Friend's and Influence People" by Dale Carnagie whether you are dealing with clients or staff or even your own kids... Because, after all, we all ARE children inside.

Learn to motivate that child and you will prosper! Learn to motivate that child who lives in all of us and you will be extremely successful! 

NOTE: My son's most popular video on Youtube has over 7,000 views! It was made when he was only six! See it here: 

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