Sunday, October 30, 2011

I Was a Middle-Aged Drag Queen and Why Being a Woman is Tough!

Last night I was a drag queen. I dressed up as a woman. From that experience, and what I learned in just a few hours of "being a woman," I can safely say that I think all men should dress up like a woman for at least one day in their life. It will do much to diffuse the battle of the sexes.

Even though last night wasn't actually Halloween, it was the night of most of the Halloween parties in Tokyo. I dressed up as a woman. I have always wanted to dress up like a woman (ala Monty Python) last night was the fulfillment of a lifelong dream.

I never want to do that again. 


After just a few hours of getting prepared, going out, trying to socialize with people and then coming home completely and totally exhausted, I have come to have a much better understanding and sympathy for the fairer sex. Frankly speaking, being a woman sucks.

I don't mean that in any derogatory way towards women. I just think that if I say, "It's great to be a guy" that reeks of braggadocio. No. I mean, women have to put up with way too much sh*t. I couldn't do it. I don't mean that I don't want to do it. I probably just couldn't be a woman. It's far too much work.

Besides taking an hour to get all prettied up to go out (and trust me, I did the absolute minimum) it was a major production just to get out the door and go anyplace.

Hell, guys can just sleep in their T-shirts, get up, slide on some jeans and we're out the door. I do that all the time. Women? Nope. It took a good 20 minutes to get the dress on right. It took 5 minutes just to get the nylons on (for some reason, you have to put those on or the high heels won't fit correctly)...Then, when I did get the nylons on, they kept slipping down my butt and making me feel uncomfortable. So I kept pulling them back up until I ripped a hole in my left leg stocking! God, those tear easy!

Horrors! What's a proper drag queen to do with a hole in his stockings? What do women do all their lives with this sort of problem?

Ken Nishikawa (L) Mike Rogers (R)
Drag queens 10/28/11

Then, after the dress and nylons were on, it was time for the makeup. Like I said, just the minimum as I was getting really impatient with this stuff so the ten minute makeup applied by my wonderful wife was quite sufficient, thank you. I can't imagine spending a few hours, like many women do, getting ready to go out on a date.

Calculate it, guys. The girl spends three hours showering, blow drying their hair, putting on makeup, getting dressed in the latest (expensive) fashion, finishing touches, putting on nail polish, all for what? Going out on a date with a loser like you? A date that ends in two hours? 

She spends ¥10,000 (about $110) on makeup and stuff to go on a date with you and you take her to a cheap-assed restaurant or the game center? On top of that, if the date goes well, all you want to do rip her clothes off and ruin her makeup?

Doesn't seem to balance the books very well, does it? Doesn't seem like a very good deal for the girls.

After my friend, Ken, and I put on all our makeup, wigs and dresses, we went out. We caught a cab and thank god for that!  How in the hell do women walk all day in high heels? We didn't walk a total of 5 minutes and my feet were killing me! I didn't walk a total of 150 meters (150 yards) last night and I got a blister on a toe on my left foot that broke and now I have a blister on my right small toe. My feet were killing me last night. They still hurt this morning!

Funnily enough, I don't want to dress in drag ever again. But, like I said, I think all men should do it for one night in their life at least. Why?

Because, we all know that women get the sh*t end of the deal in life. They have to bear the pain of childbirth; they are generally weaker than men and their men often beat and abuse them; they go through painful monthly cramps due to menstrual periods; they can't get paid as much as men do at the workplace... The list goes on and on... 

And that's not all! Not only do women have to put up with the above list of tortures in life, they live longer than we do so they have to put up with it longer than we do! For what? They have to go through this sh*t of dressing up and looking nice everyday of their life just so their men can abuse or ignore them!?

That really sucks!

Not me. Not anymore. I have a much greater appreciation for my wife and daughters and what they have to go through everyday. From now on, I am going to be much more appreciative of them and their looks. They spend hours on trying to look their best and we men are too fricking stupid to spend two seconds saying, "You look nice. I appreciate you!" 

I will never be impatient anymore when my wife or daughters want to shop. I will be more appreciative of the women at work too. I will compliment them all when I see they've gotten their hair done.

From cross-dressing for just a few hours, once in my life, I have a much better understanding of what women go through. 

I will now always appreciate and be more sympathetic towards them... 

I will always thank god that I was born a man. Being a man means I can be a slob and, if I so choose, dress like a woman... Not that I'd ever want to. It's way too much work.

Guys, appreciate your women and what they go through.

*Seriously, guys, try dressing in drag with high heels for just one night and you will understand exactly what I am talking about. The world will be a much better place if all guys dress in drag on Halloween. But... It won't happen. Dressing like a woman is much too much work for most men.


Andy "In Japan" said...

Mike in drag is realllllly scary. Boo!!!! Happy Halloween to all, especially the ladies who do so much to make themselves beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Hi MIke...
Maybe it's a writer thing or a Monty Python thing, but I to have dressed up as a woman. In Japan and in Toronto. I think I make a prettier woman than you and your girlfriend - if we're having a contest.

Jimbo said...

I think my mangy hobo beard would ruin the whole outfit...

Murasaki Shikibu said...

"Frankly speaking, being a woman sucks."

Yup. You even have to listen to disgruntled taxi drivers ranting at you all the way home from central Tokyo to Kichijoji at 1 am in the morning when you are on your way home after a 16 hour work day. I have had taxi drivers *lecture* me on how I am a bad citizen for having a job because a woman belongs in the home raising children and how there is no filial piety if I'm not at home serving my husband, parents and the country (by having children - that's all women are good for!)! I am guessing these taxi drivers were laid off by their companies and felt that if it weren't for people like me, they wouldn't be driving taxis. Nylon stockings? You always keep a spare in your shoulder bag, because it might rip. ;)

mike in tokyo rogers said...

Murasaki san,
You are not in Japan now, are you? We are having an event on 11/6 in Shibuya and I'd like you, or Andy, Jimbo, Mann to be my guest if you can attend.

Jimbo said...

Oh man, I wish could go! But, I have class that day and I live in Oklahoma. :(

Laurier Tiernan said...

Good on you, Mike!!!

I haven't done drag in about 8 years, and wanted to do it again this year year it is! :)

Murasaki Shikibu said...

Mike: Thanks for the invite, but I'm not arriving back there until the 8th. Maybe we can meet at another event. ;)

Mark Davis said...

The shoes are the worst; high-heels are brutal.

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