The Child of Domestic Violence

This is a very difficult post to write and it makes me sad that I feel I must...


Someone needs to speak the truth. Because this sickness has struck again and another small child lay dead. I wrote about the child the other day. Now I know what happened. There is a sickness that happens behind closed doors of what seems like everyday, happy, healthy homes. This sickness is truly evil and it is called Domestic Violence.

ELVIS COSTELLO - BOY WITH A PROBLEM

The children of these homes live in suffering and their victim parents live in total fear. Fear for their safety, fear for their sanity, fear for their lives and the lives of their children.


The children of the homes of domestic violence go to school and see friends. They try to forget.


I know. I witnessed it only two or three times when I was a child. But it was ugly and quite frightening when I did. I thought he was going to kill my mother once. I am ashamed to admit that one time, when I was a 5th or 6th grader, my brothers took up baseball bats and threatened him. We said, "We don't want to do this, but if you hit mom, we will hit you back." 


Thank god, he calmed down and backed down.


I never witnessed domestic violence from my father ever again.


I am even more ashamed to admit that, in my first marriage, I repeated the evil. When I was having an affair with another woman, I was so ashamed of myself and so frustrated with my life, and so confused, that I committed domestic violence against my then beautiful wife. This went on for a year or two. I was completely mad, sick and out of my mind.


She didn't deserve that from me. I went blind and hit her. From then on, I committed domestic violence, on and off, of the sometimes physical, but mostly the psychological kind. She became sick and depressed. I pushed her away. She ran to someone else.


We wound up getting a divorce... to my regret.


I went to seek psychological help, for the divorce and many other things. My life was a mess of my own making. With help, I never committed domestic violence ever again. That was nearly two decades ago. It's too bad that, after the cows have already left the barn, we often decide then, when it is already too late, to do something about the broken door.


Please, dear God, forgive me for what I did and help me to be a better person. Please, my daughters, forgive me for the unhappy childhood I gave you. 


Oh, how many other children must suffer for this domestic violence? Why does this domestic violence rear its ugly head and ruin the lives and childhoods of so many seemingly happy and normal children?


If the children survive, in many cases, they grow up to repeat the errors of the parents and the vicious circle of domestic violence continues.


Some children, though, do not survive. 


In Japan, some mothers are pushed to the limits so far that they take their lives and the lives of their children. Of course, the monsters living inside of those committing domestic violence can never imagine that the wives would ever conceive of double suicide, but they can.... And they do.   


Domestic violence. It happens way too often. Husbands beat their wives physically or mentally. They push these women to the limit of their wits.


Then then women break. They come to where they can't take it anymore.


In Japanese society, there's nowhere for these women to turn.


They confide in their closest friends, but that's all. This domestic violence is a shameful thing in Japanese society. But the friends all talk in hushed tones....


When it gets too bad, then the talk turns to divorce... The laws have recently changed... Wives no longer have the trump card for child custody. Nightly, they fear for their lives and the lives of their children.

The husband is the breadwinner. The wife goes into depression. She seeks professional help. The husband, the cause of this malady, whistles along on his merry way acting as if there's nothing the matter. Then, at court, the husband can tout his wife as having "mental problems."


The only people who know the truth are the husband (if he realizes the extent of his evil and his illness), the wife (and a few very close friends) and the children.


Sure, the wife has mental problems. Wouldn't you? Who wouldn't have mental problems if their partner abused them both physically and mentally over and over on and on for an extended period of time?


The abuse continues... It's occurrence is unpredictable... Does he do it because he having and affair? Or is it stress? Or is it a hatred of himself? Or just because he is mentally sick and abusive? Who knows?


The wife has nowhere to turn.


She loses her mind. Sick, is she. There's no doubt.


So sick that, one night, she goes so crazy that she kills her child. She then attempts suicide... She succeeds with the child, fails with herself.


The husband then later proclaims to the world that he "doesn't blame her for this tragic case, she is mentally sick.... Depressed..."


Sure she is sick... Mr. Husband... How much did you help her to become that way?


This poor lovely child, with their entire future ahead of them, dies because of what she did and the result of the way you treated her for so many years. You can act like you were the good husband and didn't harm anyone....


But there are many of us who do know the truth. She told us. 


When I see you, you'll be able to read it in my eyes, if you have the courage to look.... And the eyes of the others she confided in.


In this case, the child dies. The circle of domestic violence is broken. The child will not grow up seeking help for the illness his father caused nor will he abuse his wife. 


He is dead. The child of domestic violence. 


If this post hits too close to home, please seek help. http://www.helpfordomesticviolence.com/