Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Stunning Revelation! Tokyo Man Grows Testicles Out of Cranium! Fukushima Radiation?

Shocking Revelation! Man in Tokyo with testicles on his head stuns onlookers!

Train passengers in the greater Tokyo metropolitan area were shocked on their morning commute today by the appearance of what seems to be an elder gentleman who has testicles protruding from his cranium.

"He looks somewhat like a shriveled upside down penis!" shrieked one woman.

A spokesperson, who wished to remain anonymous, tried to calm passengers and the public at large by reassuring those that these recent sightings of the "Testicle Headed Man" were not related in any way to the Fukushima nuclear accident.

Train poster of the Testicle Headed man

Still many of the western press and the anal retentive segments of the foreign community in Japan insist that there is a government cover up and conspiracy. Some were quoted as saying, "They found rabbits without ears, and car air filters that were radioactive, didn't they?"

One commuter, a businessman in his late 40's said, "I've heard of people being called 'dick-head' but this is taking it one step too far. Something must be done."

This reporter, a longtime expert on Japan and drinking stories, has investigated these occurrences and found several examples in Japanese folklore of sightings such as this strange creature.

Call this guy a "dickhead" and he might rip your arms off

As other countries besides Japan have their legendary creatures too. Some examples are the Abominable Snowman, Big Foot, the Loch Ness Monster and Elvis Presley. 

Upon further examination, though, this reporter finds that the "Testicle Headed Man" is indeed a Dickhead and a relic of sexist Japanese advertising and marketing for supposed "Health Drinks" are are to help tired Japanese salary men to become energetic while entertaining the mirage that these drinks can also help their flagging libido.

Besides, doing something to help even psychologically with a sagging member, the drinks also help older Japanese men's flagging self-image and tries to convince them that if they drink this stuff, they might get a young girlfriend.

As I said, it's not real. It's all just a legend and a part of some old guy's  imagination.

These old guys can still dream, can't they? 


Evacomics said...

Ha! I knew that it must be fiction so I scrolled down to find any disclaimers, good try though! :P

Anonymous said...

Dang, I always wanted to go catch one of those Bigfoot Sasqwatch creatures.

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