Friday, December 31, 2010

My Predictions for 2011

Well, my friends, it's almost 2011 so I guess I need to start a new tradition for myself: My predictions for the next year.

I used to do silly stuff like make New Year's Resolutions, but, they never worked so I wound up looking stupid, so I shan't be delving into resolution's no more.  Why make resolutions to never drink again when I am drunk and feeling poorly?

But, hey! With all the pundits and trends reporters running around these days, I thought I'd make a name for myself by making my Top 10 Predictions of 2011.

Now, these won't be easy predictions... Anyone can make a silly guess like "I predict a war in the Middle East sometime in 2011..." Yawn! Now, how in the world will I become a world famous prognosticator with silly predictions like that? Nope. I believe in going for the gusto so my predictions will be exact... None of this mealy-mouth whining later on!

Ready? Strap yourself into your seats and fasten those seats belts, because here are my

TOP TEN PREDICTIONS OF 2011!

#10 There is absolutely no mistake about my predictions for next year's #10 and #9. Lucky you! Get ready to make some money! In 2011, price of gold will hit $1,512 an ounce (USD) by Valentine's Day (Feb. 14) 2011. It will end the year (Dec. 29) at $1,879.*

Holy Sh*t! I'm buying more silver!


#9 Silver will really kick butt in 2011. Look for silver at $52.18 an ounce by Dec. 29, 2011

Me and the boys telling fortunes near the station at $12 a pop.


#8) You know how famous people and Hollywood stars always die in three's? Well, a new trend will start this year. Fidel Castro and North Korea's Kim Jung Il will both kick the bucket at about the same time as each other in 2011. I figure the date to be about May 22.

In Castro's case, nothing will change on how Cuba will be handled - except for Castro's breathing and food intake. Whether Castro is there or not, Cuba will be vilified and used as a boot-boy by the imperialist USA who needs all the enemies it can get to support the military industrial complex.

In North Korea's case, Kim Jung Il's death will bring in turmoil and the next son in line for leadership will be booted out by some disgruntled generals and the entire house of cards will collapse - to everyone's chagrin - by Nov. 12, 2011...

#7) US president Barack Obama will end a supposed 9 months of cigarette abstinence by celebrating the New Year with booze and cigarettes. His first celebratory cigarette will actually be before New Year's as, while drunk and stumbling in the White house hallway he'll think, "God, I'd love a Marlboro!" and, he'll have one... Yes, this event will actually happen in 2010, but when you're pissed drunk and the president of the United States of America, who's counting?

What does this have to do with Japan? Nothing excepting there will be 1.2 million Japanese guys who quit cigarettes in 2010 only to come to the same conclusion on New Year's Eve that Obama does.

#6) Japan's economy will continue to tank and the deflationary trend will proceed and pick up great speed. Current Japanese prime minister Naoto Kan will resign for making innumerable mistakes and a new election will be held on June 4th and the Japanese will elect the next prime minister who, in a great Japanese tradition, will make even more mistakes than the idiot he just replaced. Score: Japan Government Wonks: 138 - Japanese Average Joe 0.

#5) Toyota Motor Corporation who recalled 10 million cars in 2010, will have an even better year in 2011 by recalling 12 million cars!

#4) JAL (Japan Airlines) will finally throw in the towel and put themselves (and the public) out of our misery by Oct. 14, 2011 and declare bankruptcy. Finally! Hello All Nippon Airways!

(As an aside note, due to these sorts of news stories, bloggers like me, who need all the readers they can get, will always use these chances to upload cheesecake photos like the one below...See my former article: Why Write a Blog?)

Blogger's rendition of the perfect stewardess 

#3) Manny Pacquiao will continue to dominate the boxing world by kicking the holy hell outta everybody. Floyd Mayweather will continue to be afraid of fighting the Pac-Man. Pacquiao will fight Shane Moseley sometime at the start of May, 2011. Pacquiao will win the fight.

In spite of the victory, no one will be able to spell Pacquioa, Pauqciaou, or whatever his name is, correctly without looking it up in an online dictionary by December 15th, 2011.

#2) One of Tokyo's big 5 FM radio stations, that is losing more than $1 million (USD) a year,  will be put on sale by December 17, 2011.  With no buyers, it will go into insolvency by August of 2012. But that's a story for another year... The next one to be exact.

#1) Major US banks like Bank of America and JP Morgan will go bankrupt on Sept. 11, 2011... Several Major Japanese banks will be in big trouble too... Especially Mizuho Bank.

Weird, eh? the timing...

Well, that's it. Nothing too earth shaking, I'd say... But, next year at this time, when all 10 of my predictions come true and on the exact date predicted, then you'll all be the first to sign up for my new newsletter called, "Mike Roger's Trends".... An annual subscription will only cost $250 (US) and it will be chock full of tips on how you can make money in the next year by conning suckers.

Also, it's not numbered, but, mark my words, my friends, keep a positive attitude and 2011 will be the best year, so far, of our lives. Read more on that here.

Until then....

LET'S HAVE 2011 SEE ALL OF OUR DREAMS COME TRUE... TOGETHER!
HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

PEACE BE WITH YOU AND YOURS!



* = prices subject to change and may vary depending on the stupidity of the government

2 comments:

Mark said...

Are you on the bullion team or the stocks team or a little of both? Any recos?

mikeintokyorogers said...

Hi Mark,

Living in Japan? Maybe stocks are good. I'm not sure stocks are good if you live outside of japan

Read this: http://bit.ly/guAn7F