Sunday, January 9, 2011

American Godzilla!? Not Again!!!

In 1956, an American movie company took the original Godzilla movie and reedited it, put in Raymond Burr, and a bunch of Caucasians to make the crappy version of "Western" Godzilla. (Watch that turkey here.)


Wasn't that enough damage? As the English speaking representative of the Nipponjin nation, I warn you whitey's to stay away for your own good!


Huuurmph! Now, where was I?.....


Now, it has been announced that Godzilla will be remade (like the rest of these crap Hollywood movies over these last 20 years).... Dear God, please deliver us from evil and horrid cinema.


Godzilla is a Japanese thing and needs to stay that way!


As Topless Robot reports:


First the good news: Legendary Pictures has announced that Gareth Edwards, the guy who directed the low-budget but well-received alien monster flick Monsters, has been hired to direct the new American Godzilla movie. 


(Monsters Trailer):



I haven't seenMonsters yet, but given how excited everyone seems to be about this, I assume it's pretty good. At least he'll probably have some reverence for the source material, and not turn his Godzilla movie into a shitty Jurassic Park rip-off for the entire second act (or have a giant monster "hide" cunningly behind skyscrapers. God that movie f**king sucked).


Die! Die! Die! Go back to your Cameron Diaz movies and leave us alone!

Now the bad news, although it may be bad only to me -- apparently someone's making another American Godzilla movie. Am I the only who thinks this is a horrible idea? Godzilla is Japan's thing, and we don't need to co-opt it. They've been doing just fine with Godzilla movies on their own for more than 50 years. And the one time we did try it, we shat on their beloved icon and looked like assholes. So I don't really care who directs it. I don't want it. I don't think anyone needs it. And even if it's good, I think we're going to look like a**holes again. Am I alone on this?



No, dude. You're not alone. These Godzilla movies are campy and crappy enough as they are without Hollyweird coming in and making them even worse. 


Death to Rocky and Sylvester Stallone!


(Warning to westerners and white people all over the world! We do not need you to f*ck up our monster movies with your Richard Gere and white teethed Hollywood stars! Death to all Gaijins!)* 

*This message was approved by this blogger! Yet does not necessarily represent the political views of this blog.


**As an aside... I remember the last time a Japanese girl said to me, "Konna Oki no?" (Chuckle)......


Awright! This is quality cinema... Not like that crappy "Armageddon Day" with Aerosmith singing that shitty theme song! "Mo-su-ra! Mos-su-ra!" Shit! They don't write kick butt lyrics like that anymore! E-T phone home! Elvis Presley answer your phone!!!!!


Stay away you stinking foreigners!!!! This is your last warning! We know where you live!

1 comment:

Ira Hata said...

Roland Emmerich made a version in 1998 staring Matthew Broderick. If that one didn't do all that well, what makes Hollywood think this one will?

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