Monday, March 21, 2011

Examples of Loonies on Japan's Nuclear Accident

You just can't make this stuff up:


First off something I already posted about before, but let's go into more depth today. This stuff is funny. It's from that reputable tabloid know as the Sun UK so you just know it's got to be the truth! Everyone knows, if it's in the Sun, then it's got to be the gospel.... I mean, if it weren't true, they couldn't print it, right?




The shocking headline says it all:  
Starving Brit Keely: My nightmare trapped in City of Ghosts – Tokyo

I'm just going to print most of the story from the Sun and comment here and there. After this nonsense, there is a really fantastic video that you simply must watch at the bottom of this post.... Wait a minute! Her name is Keely Fujiyama? That's not real! Are you kidding me? I'm sure it isn't totally impossible but I've never heard of anyone actually named Fujiyama.

OK. But I'm a sport. I'll play along. After all we are talking about nonsense in the media. But allow me to indulge myself too, okay? Before we go into this craziness here's a little musical interlude to warm you up for this. I do hope you'll grab an drink and start on that before proceeding with the rest of this blog post:
WANDA JACKSON - FUJIYAMA MAMA


From the Sun: 

A BRITISH mum told last night of her terror trapped and starving in the eerie ghost town that is Tokyo after the tsunami.

Keely Fujiyama, 37, phoned The Sun to describe a city in fear of nuclear catastrophe - with streets deserted and food, water and fuel running out.

And she slammed the British Embassy for failing to help expats desperate to escape - after radiation levels from Japan's stricken nuclear reactors reached ten times normal.

The mum of two said: "They fled and left us here to fry. I'm ashamed to call myself British." 


(Ashamed to call yourself British? I know that there's a lot of Aussies, Canadians, Kiwis and Americans here in Japan that can totally understand your feelings there- Mike)

Keely, from Croydon, South London, has lived in Tokyo for ten years after marrying Japanese Ryu Fujiyama.


She said: "I'm stuck inside a third-floor apartment in a part of the city that resembles a ghost-town. Normally the streets bustle like nowhere else on earth. 

(Ghost town!? - Mike)


"But I look outside now and they're completely deserted. It's like London in the zombie movie 28 Days Later. 

"The streets are silent. We live near the centre of Tokyo and yet there is no movement at all.
"I'm scared, and shaky with hunger and really, really tired. I've got two hungry children and just a few crisps, oranges and a can of tuna. 

(What? You have potato chips but no beer in the fridge? This is a total disaster! - Mike)


"I've had some juice today but I'm saving the rest for the children. There is no petrol, no water, no food.

(If you mean the convenience stores are all sold out of Cup O Noodle, that's true. - Mike)


"On Tuesday, the radiation levels in Tokyo were ten times above normal and people started to panic. 

(No, lady, the people didn't start to panic you started to panic. That's all. - Mike)


"What if, every day, radiation continues to double? 

(And, what if, every day, my telescopic electronic nipplets grow more tender? - Mike)


"But with all this, the Prime Minister comes on television, telling us to be calm. There are constant aftershocks and I'm not taking my children on the Metro when the roof could fall in.
"My children are already starving. I found three riceballs and some seaweed this morning in a local convenience store and took the last couple of water canisters." 

(You've lived in Japan for more than ten years... We have earthquakes all the time, and you don't have at least a week's worth of food & water stored up? Not a very fast learner are you? Thank god for the corner convenience store. If it weren't for them, you might have to walk two hundred meters for food and water! - Mike)


Mainly, Keely stays in her apartment in Tokyo's Nerima Ku suburb with Alex, four, and Nina, eight. 

(It's good that she stays indoors. This lady sounds like she could be a danger to herself if she were not constantly under surveillance... What with the lions and tigers and bears, oh my! - Mike)


She said: "We stay indoors, with the windows shut, except when my husband goes out to work or to try and find food. 

(Great to see that here are still families living the primitive hunter-gatherer lifestyle even in Tokyo - Mike)
The Fujiyama family in Tokyo during happier times

"At night the streets are dark and eerily quiet. The TV news has told us to take a shower when we've been outside, because of radiation worries. But the water is a funny colour and smells of bleach. There's sometimes a live feed on TV from the nuclear plant.

"But mostly there's just a test card with gentle music and children making origami dragons."
(Origami dragons? What channel is this on? It's just nonstop news on all the channels lady! Take the TV off the kiddies educational channel... You at least know how to work a TV remote control, don't you? - Mike)

Although food shops are empty, Keely and her husband found a car dealership doing a roaring trade as people sought transport to flee the radiation threat. 

(Looking to trade canned food for 2009 Toyota Camry or later model! - Mike)

She said: "We went on Sunday to buy a 4x4. Nobody needs a car in Tokyo - it's not that sort of city - but we figured it might be the only way to get out.

(Oh goody! The family gets to go out car shopping! I get to ride in the front! How fun! - Mike)


"The garage was packed with people who'd had the same thought. The amazing thing is though, that the Japanese are trying their best to help each other.

(Yeah, weird, eh? Just a few paragraphs back you said there was no petrol. Now you say people are dying to buy a car! Go figure. - Mike) 


"The old lady at the corner store gave me a hug. And there's no looting. Nobody's tried to take our water or the little food we have.

(She probably wanted to slap you silly but figured that just a hug might be enough calm you down... I hope you also picked up adult diapers, Keely... Sounds like you must be going through those fast. - Mike)


She said: "The first to flee Tokyo have been British Embassy staff. I repeatedly rang the Tokyo number for our embassy - but there's just a recorded message saying, 'We are not taking calls'.
"I then rang the Foreign Office and got patched through to a crisis line man, who just told me to try and get on a plane.


"I kept telling him we can't even get to the airport but he didn't seem concerned.

"I begged the Foreign Office man, 'Please help me'. But he told me if I raised my voice one more time he was terminating the call. 

(Damned useless bureaucrats. You should have asked to be switched to the department of psychotic disorders...Yes, well... If I had some hysterical woman screaming about not having enough chips on the other end of the phone, I might hang up on her too. - Mike) 


"In desperation, I rang the US embassy and immediately a human voice asked, 'How can I help?' They can't do much as I'm British. 

(Yes, as an American, I can honestly say that we have enough loonies from our own country to deal with in Japan without having to help the Brits with theirs. The "Special Relationship" only goes so far! - Mike)


"If I get out of Tokyo I want to go to America, Australia, anywhere. I have no faith in Britain any more. I don't want to see my country ever again."


Message to US embassy: No matter what you do, don't give this woman a visa!


Thanks so much to the Sun and Keely "Fujiyama" for that invigorating tale of human suffering and that very typically dry British humor. 


Incredibly, hidden underneath this men's fashion store is a
nuclear nightmare in Shibuya just waiting to happen!


And speaking of humor, the Brits don't have all of it as an award must go out to Fox News also for reporting on Shibuya having a nuclear power plant located in a popular disco that has been a Shibuya landmark for decades. Who could have suspected a nuclear power plant inside Shibuya Eggman? 




And now ladies and gentlemen, the plat de resistance of ridiculous nonsense. Did you know that the earthquake and tsunami were not an earthquake and tsunami but actually a US plot to detonate a nuclear weapon under the sea to get Japan to fall in line with the New World Order? Yep. Don't believe me. Let this guy tell you. (Warning: Viewer is advised to wear special protective visors and tin hats before viewing this video):




Yes. Yes. I see. Riiiiiiiight! Earthquake weapon? Turn Canada into a tropical paradise? No tsunami in other countries? Really? I'm sure those people in Hawaii and Oceania will sure be happy to hear that those increased waves were simply figments on their imaginations. 


Well, anyway. Don't look now, but someone sure has a good imagination... How about staying away from the sake for a few days, eh?


Now, someone asked me a while back why I am hesitant to associate with too many foreigners in Japan....


Anymore questions?

14 comments:

Andy "In Japan" said...

Narita airport always looks like it does in that photo your posted of fleeing gaijin.

Keely is a very childish drama queen..needing to fantasize her troubles in order to get sympathy and also demanding her helpless self be taken care of.

Say Mike, could you post some actual photos of current Tokyo street life so that this ridiculous image of a ghost town of starving and terrified people can be more easily proven wrong?

Laurier Tiernan said...

Awesome article. Thanks for writing and posting this, Mike. It's no wonder our families and friends abroad panic for us when they read this type of bullshit. It's like there was an international business conspiracy against Japan; or maybe it's just the US-British alliance. haha. ;)

mikeintokyorogers said...

Hey Andy, do people get paid if they call the Sun and the Sun prints their stuff? If so, then I take back everything I said about Keely. If they do pay for this crap and she gets the dough, then she's one smart woman!

Thanks to you too Laurier!

Guy Jean said...

Mike, I've just entered you as a "Some Good Blogger". Safe journey. Thanks for blogging, esp. the solid data, but also the hilarious yet always a-propos graphics (how do you find them so fast?)! Of course, Japan will not be here when you get back: it will have dissolved in a cloud of radioactive dust/sunk beneath the waves/overwhelmed with zombies called Keely/completely run out of food, etc., or all of the above.

Anonymous said...

You guys are no doubt the smart(ass), cool ones who aren't scared but many others are horrified due to the initial, non-transparency of the J government which contributed to 'panic by foreigners.' Do you feel all tingly good after making fun of every line said by a woman who is obviously terrified for herself and kids? She is no doubt not as smart as you guys for lacking food in her apt but at least she is not juvenile on the level of frat boys.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, yeah Anon... You are the adult in the conversation... I can judge that by your unwillingness to sign your name... I live in Meguro and know for a fact that 90% of what that woman said is pure imagination. We didn't have bread, milk, bottled water or eggs for a few days but we had tons of food at all the stores : canned or frozen whatever you wanted, we had it. ... So your logic is that because the Japanese government wasn't making horrific announcements, then that was reason for panic? Nice try.

Anonymous said...

WOW, you sure bit that one right away - just 10 mins after my post. Bored and hanging out here with your few, like-minded friends? And if you are bothered by my unwillingness to sign my name(crazy thing to do in cyberspace), why didn't you sign yours? And you miss my point of not making fun of terrified folks by bragging with lucky hindsight about how your affluent village was re-stocked after a few days. Realize that some parts of Japan are still not that lucky. And 'my logic 'is that the government should have made comforting announcements, or any useful updates rather than covering for Tepco.

Kurogane said...

Hey,

Great commentary. She really does seem typical of duncey white chicks that marry the natives and never learn SFA.

The name Fujiyama isn't common, but not unheard of, by the way.

It's Wisteria + Mountain, not Great Guy + Mountain.

Anonymous said...

These comments are almost as funny as the Sun article itself. Do people genuinely think this woman is actually real? It wouldn't be like the Sun to totally fabricate the whole story, would it?

Andy "In Japan" said...

Maybe the women is a fraud of some kind, it's not something we will ever find out and not the point. The point is the hysteria and lies and the desire by so many to be coddled by their nanny government.

Somehow saying that acting like a frightened and manipulative child, whether it's this woman or anyone else, is justified because the government didn't provide for people in some way is what we are criticizing.

She or people like her can be as terrified as they want. Those of us who think for ourselves and take responsibility for ourselves in the reality based world will continue to criticize, and rightly so.

Guy Jean said...

Personally, I'm not laughing at Keely (assuming she's a real person), I'm laughing at the Sun.

Tabby Cat said...

> Say Mike, could you post some actual photos
> of current Tokyo street life

See for yourself:

http://www.sibch.tv/share/contents/livecamera/ekimae.html

crella said...

She may have been terrified, but that 'terror' was not based on reality, a newspaper ran with it, and that's the problem.

DILs parents line in Nerima quite close to this person and outside of two days there wasn't bread or rice, the shops have been stocked and McD's was open as usual. There was no one starving in Nerima.

crella said...

'live', sorry....