Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Do You Fear Becoming Homeless? Need a Job? Make $400 ~ $1225 a Day With a Vacuum Car in Japan!

Down and out on your luck? Need a job? Do you fear that if you don't get a job soon then you could become homeless? Are you like me and willing to do anything to keep from having to sleep under the bridge? Really? Anything?... Well, welcome! You've come to the right place. Everything written in that headline is true... I know where you can get a part-time job that pays anywhere from about $400 up to $1200 a day with a "Vacuum Car." If you are willing to do anything, short of getting shot at or actual prostitution to make $1200 a day, part-time... Read on...

(Note: By "prostitution" I mean actual "sex services for money" - after all, practically speaking, we're all prostitutes in some fashion of the word!) 

Sometimes you read in the newspapers stories about workers getting paid awesome wages, right? $50, $75, even $100 dollars an hour or more. For example, it was exposed that organizations like Blackwater pay their "contractors" (mercenary soldiers) operating in Iraq $1000 one-thousand dollars a day! That's big bucks! Wow! This irks the typical US grunt (Be all that you can be!) who gets $98 dollars a week (pre-tax) with a bunk to sleep in and all-you-can-eat Spam sandwiches.

A $1000 dollars a day!!! For manual labor? Do you wish you could get a job like that? Well, you can. And I'm here to teach you how... For absolutely free, No emails to send in. No hidden catches, no gimmicks... Just free... All the information you need to know is right here...

Long ago, in Japan, teaching English was the gravy train job like those clowns who work for Blackwater who are now getting paid massive sums of money off the backs of the American taxpayer (they hate them for their freedoms don't you know?) I wrote about how English teachers in Japan were getting paid $50,000 a year and more in Tokyo in 1979, 1984 and Today:

... I know, there were English teachers at our company getting paid, I'd say, on average, ¥700,000 per month. Some were earning over ¥1,000,000 per month. ¥700,000 per month, in 1985, was "only" about $2,756 per month in USD. By 1989, that was about $5,512 per month... And that was for 20 hours a week of classroom time!
Think about that! English teachers were so rare in those days that they were earning, on average, more than $60,000 a year in 1989. People who couldn't get a job mowing lawns back home were pulling down $60 thousand dollars a year teaching part time and sleeping with their students! Since I was a measly liaison, I was only making $80,000 a year to babysit those dumb foreigners (maybe not so dumb, eh?) I even knew a few guys who were making twice that amount. (Read more on that crazy but true story here)

But now, English teaching in Japan has fallen by the wayside as a good income generating endeavor. I think it is still good to pay the bills all the while you learn Japanese and make connections... But English teaching as an ends unto itself? Nope.

Besides that, the entire Japanese economy is in the doldrums. Why, just yesterday I was talking with a friend who is a business owner and he agreed with me when I said that we all had to work twice as much as we did five or ten years ago but we only make half as much money... What to do?

Well, if you are like me, then you think about these things a lot. I know that if I think about them too much, sometimes they freak me out. I'm the nervous type about this sort of thing and there have been times when I've woken up in the morning in a near panic-attack state worrying about my job or whether or not we'll have a place to live and food to eat in six months...

How about you? Have you worried about these sorts of things too?

I also have another problem in that, since I have a family, I can't really just blow what little money money I have on booze and drugs in one last "Hurrah" then go sleep down by the river and become some homeless dude. What will the neighbors think? What would my son say to his friends on the first day at school?

Teacher: "Alright, I want each of you to stand up, introduce yourselves and say a little something about your family..."

First kid: "My dad is the Asia Managing Director for Delta-United Airlines. You might have seen him on Bloomberg TV before."

Second kid: "My dad is president of Amazon-Google Japan. You might have seen him on CNBC Asia TV before."

Third kid: "My dad owns all the Rolls Royce dealerships in Japan and East-Asia. You might have seen him on CNN before.

My son: "My dad is old guy living under the bridge with the huge beard. If you've ever gone on a picnic down by the river, you might have seen him before."

Naw... I guess I can't do that...

So, anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah... I have a phobia about going homeless; I can't do it. No matter what, I'd have to find a job and it would have to be a good paying job... So, well, that's why I'm here... And, I reckon, that's why you're here too.

Funnily enough, I was thinking about this just this morning when I was driving my son to school when right in front of my car was a "Vacuum Car." 

"That's it!" I thought, "A Vacuum Car!" Bingo!

Get this folks, guys driving "Vacuum cars" get paid huge amounts of money yet the Vacuum Car companies can't get enough staff and retain them to do that job even though the economy is in a down market! In fact, everyone in Japan knows that operating a Vacuum Car is one of the highest paid part time jobs in the entire country!!!... It's been that way for decades! And they always have a shortage of workers!!!! It's a goldmine!

Now, folks, before you get all hot and bothered about the mere notion of part-time job vacuuming cars in Japan and getting a $1000 a day, let me explain that the Japanese have some pretty bizarre ideas on how they take English and bastardize it for use in their own language.

Vacuum Car is a vacuum car, but not exactly the image you probably have when you hear this word. When I first heard his term, I imagined the friendly guy at the full service gasoline station vacuuming out my car. But not so!  

I don't want to go into a long explanation, but modern words from English like, "Google," "Twitter," "Facebook," are said, with Japanese intonation, just like the English equivalents and mean the same thing. Older words like "helicopter," or "escalator," are the same too... But there's many words that the Japanese have adopted that mean something totally different from the original. One that I'll never forget is the word, "Glamor." Glamor to you and me (supposed native English speakers) means something like charm, romance, alluring or excitement. To the Japanese, "Glamor" means...Well, "big boobs"... I suppose, in a way, that is alluring and exciting (if you are a guy)...

I have a notion that this one photo is totally responsible for the Japanese changing the meaning of "glamorous" from one meaning "charm" to one meaning "massive chest of drawers."
So, you can guess, "Vacuum Car" is not "vacuuming cars at a gasoline station." "Vacuum car" is for vacuuming but not vacuuming cars... Vacuum Cars are for vacuuming sh*t. Literally. Vacuum Cars are used to vacuum sh*t. And I don't mean little piles of sh*t off the carpet. 

I mean massive Jacuzzi-sized pool sized pools of sh*t.

That's right. They are for vacuuming sh*t... Oh, and p*ss... Sh*t and P*... As well as vomit, toilet paper, used diapers, tampons, condoms, used cooking oil, rubber bands, toys, old magazines, whatever people throw or drop into a toilet.

Now, in a modern society, with modern plumbing, toilets all flush with water and then that water and refuse flows out through the underground plumbing and sewer system to a publicly owned water filtration plant whereby it is partially filtered and recycled as your drinking water. (Bon apetite!) But what do people out in the country do where there is no water running and no underground sewage system? What do people do where their water supply is a hand pump to a natural underground reservoir of water and their toilet is a huge hole dug into the ground under their house?

What do they do when that huge hole starts to fill up and get all stinky with excrement?

Oh, that's where you come in with your Vacuum Car. The Vacuum Car guy is called and he gets about ¥30,000 a pop to vacuum these holes in the ground out. On a good day, they will get called to do three or four jobs in the same locale so those are the days they really, er, "clean up" (pardon the pun).  

But don't think this such a bad job! It's not at all. The story about having to physically jump down into the sh*t holes in the ground after you've vacuumed them out and scrub the walls and floors spic and span on your hands and knees is just an urban myth. It's not true at all. Though a diligent and conscientious employee will stick their head down there to see if any coins were ever dropped and make the effort to pick them up. (Reward is 20% for all monies recovered!) 

Customers get a 5% discount if they call us before the toilets overflow!

Also, I've read the stories written by some satisfied Japanese guys who've done this job and there's all sorts of perks! One guy I read said that, 

"The smell was so overwhelming that it filled every pore of my body. No matter how much I washed, it wouldn't go away. I could still smell it a week later. I couldn't eat anything for an entire week either!" 

Say! Sounds like a great diet plan before the summer hits! Everyone wants to lose weight so they can look their best before they hit the beach in their bikini, right? Me too! Wow! Get paid and lose weight? What a great deal.* 

(*Make sure you scrub with something like Ammonium Chloride mixed with tomato juice and gargle with Lysol everyday for at least two weeks before heading to the beach you so don't smell like a turd!) 

Also, friends, I don't think it's fair to the toilet lover society of the world for people to always be "taking the piss" (pun intended) of the toilet industry. I think it gets a bad rap. Perhaps bodily functions like p*ssing and sh*tting are not as glamorous (oops!) as dance, drama, writing and singing, but trust me, there are times when they are just as important and, dare I say, urgent?

Japan now even has a robot toilet that will follow you around the 
house so that you really can, "Sh*t in the kitchen!"

So let's not poo-poo this great industry, friends... For who knows, the way things are going in this economy, you and I could riding in a Vacuum Car together any day now... 

Oh, and don't worry about me, I don't mind driving... I've always respected the quality of your work so you get to handle the most important duties!... You did say you'd do anything, right?

Toilets can be your friend! To learn more, here's a history of toilets in Japan!


Anonymous said...

I was really really hard to concentratewhile reading this one, right off the bat.

... and hey! That's Sophia Loren, isn't it? Wow, look at those eyes.

Butt seriously, i knew someone in the industry in the unitedstate, she said during the last downturn she always used to think this business was recession-proof,... she didn't then, and with all the extra competition around these days I wonder what she thinks now?

Me, I don't fear homelessness, it'd be like a long ass camping trip. I like camping,... most People don't after day X of no shower and such, butt that's why it's called, "roughing it", eh?

However; it *is* a bit more crowded over there, and there *is* a bit less space, so I could see the point of your worry, or concern.

- clark

Kevin Riley said...

When I was building houses here, we would get the honey truck coming to suck a toilet in a Bunkajutaku in our neighbourhood. When you were up on the roof, you really got a good whiff of that honey. Yuck.

Andrew Joseph said...

Hey Mike... That is Sophia Loren staring at Jane Mansfield's chest!
As for the vacuum car... damn... they make that much money? I've watched a TV show called Dirty Jobs and every once in a while the host does something disgusting like that.
I would do it if I had the proper equipment - complete head to toe covering and an air hole/tube... I would die if that smell got in my hair. But... faced with the reality of being poor and doing what you have to do to survive, the answer is obvious. I've not had to do vacuum jobs like that, but I know I would. When out of work, I've looked at everything from washing out trucks, to carrying the mail to stocking shelves at Toys R Us, to microfiche-ing blue prints, to modeling, newspaper reporting, music teaching, to god help me, teaching in Japan.
I am surprised that more people do not take advantage of the jobs available. It happens here. I only saw three homeless gents while in Japan. I'm sure there were more, but that's all I saw or noticed (There's a difference). On any given day in downtown Toronto, I will be hit up for change by 10 people and at least three dogs and a ferret. Why am I the only one willing to change?
Crap jobs aside... maybe like with everything, people do not know such positions exist.
Excellent article. The smoking gun woman and the two actress babes made my day!

Hammer said...

Follow your stuff. Thumbs up. Random post with no connection to your topic but here is the Olympic band for 2012. Google em. Luv your stuff mate. Keep up the good fight :)

diego.a said...

Maybe you can make money this way:

* buy used radiation suits.
* refurbished them (clean them, etc.)
* sell them to the vacuum car operators.

In the mean time, here is how someone made money by turning cow manure into earth-friendly flower pots and sell them to WalMart. Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs: 11 mins 20 secs.

Anonymous said...

One other thing, of the People I met that did this or were involved with it, they were All very laid back, quite jovial, and no one, I mean, no one gave them sh**.
Except of course for the occasional idiot who wanted them to come help, or the odd bystander with a condescending attitude, as if they didn't stink too. Butt they didn't really count.

I never could understand that, why would a Person give another Person a hard time while expecting them to help them? Welfare mentality writ large? Idk.

The jovial attitude usually turned things around though, that or the prospect of an end to their dilemma.

I imagine quite a few of those guys got to help out hot desperate housewives in nightgowns. That has got to be half worth the smell, for some?

[Insert video of guy I knew in High School who said... ah, nevermind, I'm not going there.]

Even without nightgowns, almost every customer was glad to see them and disappointed when they couldn't make it. (Even without nightgowns, yeesh, I mean fully clothed People. Heh, stop thinking about those photos.) I think very few jobs are like that.

Environmental services. I know a thing or two about that. However; I couldn't - ah - I mean, I didn't want to do it either. I *could* do it if I had to. Although, there was this one time on the farm I did similar work and I didn't even know that's what I was doing until it was over. That was real life! It's a lot like working with the elderly or babies,... or livestock,... or crops. Is that full-circle Zen?

As I think about it, People's attitude towards this occupation is a whole lot like those who have a big disconnect to things such as meat (or even vegetables) in a shrink wrap package or bag, they cannot connect how things relate together?

Humble service to mankind.

Really I just came back to see if you had a new post and maybe to take another look at the photos. I had no intention of commenting. Sorry for once again blog-hogging big-time.

- clark

mike in tokyo rogers said...

You are a hero. Your comments are welcomed anytime.

Anonymous said...

Definition of hero from Dictionary.com:

1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
2.a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal ...

Hm, thanks.

I was happy with, Ambassador for Liberty.
Never thought of myself as a hero before, had to look it up to be sure what it meant.

- clark

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