Sunday, April 8, 2012

Facebook Birthday Greetings - The Real Way to Say, "I'm Insincere and I Don't Care!"

Really. I'm getting sick of Facebook in so many ways. Oh, let me count them...

I'm sick of people "poking" me. I hate it when people "Poke" me. What the hell is that poking business? What's that all about? It reminds me of the game "Ding dong ditch" we played as a kids on the neighbors. You know, you'd run up to the neighbors house and ring the doorbell and run away. They'd answer the door and no one would be there.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah. Real funny... Yeah funny, if you are about nine-years-old. Don't poke me anymore. I don't like it.

I also hate it when people never do anything but click the "Like" button. What is that? You post an article about children dying of starvation in Africa or getting killed in wars or a new flesh eating virus that peels your face off and leaves a read jelly-like mess and people click the "Like" button? What's to like about that? Are people too stupid to make a comment?

Or do they really mean they'd like to have flesh eating viruses rip their flesh off their face? Not even a simple-minded comment like, "Yeah. What he said!" Or, something really insincere and useless like, "I hope things get better!" Have people become so stupid these days that the only reaction they can have is to consider whether or not they want to click a button? Oh, the choices to be made! How can anyone find the time? Really!

What's not to like?

I also hate Facebook birthdays. Nothing says insincerity and "I don't care about you at all, but since I am here anyway and wasting my time, might as well send you a birthday greeting - uh, how do you spell your name again? Never mind, it's written right here!" like a Facebook birthday greeting. 

I hate it when I get the weekly Facebook notice that tells me that "You have 53 friends with birthdays this week." Who the hell wants to get a bunch of insincere birthday wishes from people who they probably wouldn't recognize if they walked by them on the street? I don't...

When it was my birthday last time, I got so many "Happy Birthday" wishes that it pissed me off going through them all and clicking, "Like" so that people would know I insincerely acknowledged their insincere wishes that I gave up after a while. Being so insincere to so many people is time consuming and exhausting!

Facebook has become the best (worst?) and most insincere way to send greetings of any sort. It really sucks and, instead of bringing people closer together, I suspect that it is actually pulling us farther apart and lowering the quality of our relationships. Good relationships require work and much effort... Facebook lowers the effort and time and thinking required... And that means our relations with each other are getting worse, not better. 

You know, a relationship needs nurturing; like the flowers in a garden need nurturing. Just clicking "Like" is akin to remotely turning on the garden sprinklers in the garden: It is a great way for weeds to grow.

Nurturing the garden of love

If you really do care about someone, you'll send them a real card or call them on the phone. Sending a Facebook birthday wish, a Poke, or a Like, is the real way to show that you are insincere and don't actually care; you are too busy to be bothered.

People who do really care will admit that what I write is truth.

You won't be getting any birthday wishes from me. If you do, I'll really mean, "Happy Birthday." Which means I won't send those out through Facebook. 

Happy Birthday and a big poke to my friend Garin Dart!


SunnyC247 said...

There IS someone who hates Facebook with passion.
Good job, Mike!
Keep up with more rants!

Anonymous said...

Oh I like most of what you wrote.

However; in one tiny bit of defense of clicking the like button about a story, it puts your story on a persons friends list so they will at least see it and maybe have a chance to think about it. (Or it used to be like that, maybe things have changed since I left that tracking service?)

Yet I also agree with you, People should make a comment about it, but ya know a lot of stories just leave a Person speechless and all there is to do is click the like button. Plus, there's the time issue.

Also, why was ding dong ditch so fun? I've forgotten.

- clark

diego.a said...

Mike Roger's Laws of Technology:

#1: All technology ultimately is used for popularity contents using quantity (over quality).

Proof: "I am better than you because I have more friends, likes, and retweets than all of you combined!"

#2: The Next Big Network will be even more popular, but just as vain.

Proof: Friendster, MySpace, Twitter/Facebook.

#3: The rise of Social Networks for vanity purposes is a symptom of the breakdown of Western Civilization.

Proof: Adults fights @ Chuck-E-Cheese and McDonald's.

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