Thursday, May 3, 2012

Everyone in Japan Needs "Mad Money" - I May be Stark Raving Mad, but My Mad Money Isn't Used on Stupid Things - My Mad Money Becomes Smart Money!



"Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort." - Helen Gurley Brown  
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." - Woody Allen

“Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value – Zero” - Voltaire 

Seriously folks. You need Mad Money and you need to use it on "Smart Money." You need to start accumulating Mad Money and changing it into Smart Money as soon as possible.


In Japan, "Mad Money" has always been called, "Ohesokuri." "Ohesokuri" is a secret savings stash of cash. "Ohesokuri" literally translates into "Mad Money." But, I think in 2012 and beyond, "Mad Money" is going to have a different meaning for people living in Japan.


That box says, "Ohesokuri" so I'm not too confident that this is a good place to hide money!


Traditionally, "Ohesokuri" is money that husbands or wives pinch from each other and secretly hideaway to use later on for whatever they want. It's a secret savings account and the money is usually hidden at home where the other partner is not likely to find it.


Psst! Don't tell anyone, but I have a Ohesokuri stash too! 


He! He! He! 


My Ohesokuri getting pretty large so that's why I want to write about it today! I love my "Mad Money" stash! I think about it all the time! When I'm not at home, I worry that my wife will find it... When I am at home, I'm worried that my wife will think I am acting weird or suspicious.


Another bad place to hide money!


I am very concerned that one night I may talk in my sleep and say something stupid like, "I love you Ohesokuri. I hope my wife doesn't find how I've hidden you in my secret safety deposit box at the bank...." Snore! SSSSyyxxxnnnnkxxx! 


I love opening up Mad money stash and looking at the bills and counting them over and over and over again! I love dreaming about what these useless bills are about to become!


"Ohesokuri" seems to be a very old term in Japanese vernacular. It doesn't seem like the sort of term that one would learn in a Japanese textbook. A drinking friend of mine taught me the term long ago. So, from him, I've known for a long time what the meaning of "Ohesokuri" was. But, until I looked it up just a few minutes ago, I didn't know how to say it exactly in English because I was unsure of the spelling. 


"Oheso" means, "navel," (and I don't mean as in "oranges." I mean as in what's in your stomach.) "Kuri," I think, means "chestnut." Separately, they might mean something different "Belly-button chestnut?!" but together, according to the dictionary, they translate into English as "Mad Money." 


I think if you said, "Mad Money" to most Americans, they wouldn't know what you meant....


I'm sure "Oheso" means "Belly button" as I seem to remember how that was explained to me... But sorry I can't be absolutely sure about what the "kuri" means because I don't know if I am spelling this term correctly...


Of course, I can't ask my wife about it as I have my own secret Mad Money stash... If I ask her to confirm the meanings of these words, she'd definitely know what's going on.... Fact of the matter is that I think she already is suspicious that I have my own Mad Money stash.  


For you see, my home is like 80% of all households in Japan. In these 80% it's the women who control the finances. So, I'm just like all these salaryman husbands you hear about: the wife controls the money... The husband lives on an allowance...


My allowance, like most Japanese husband's allowance is a joke!...


No, I think she falls into the "Sexy Japanese maid" category


So, when the women control 80% of the money, one has to wonder why it is often said that women are "second class citizens" in Japan. I think it was Amshall Rothschild who said, "Let me... control and issue a nation's money and I care not who writes the laws." Perhaps most Japanese housewives who control these pursestrings chuckle when their husbands think (or brag) that they are the king of the household. 


But my Mad Money account isn't a joke! I've saved up about ¥90,000 as of right this minute! (That's about $1,120 USD).


Now some people might think it is bad to save up this sort of Ohesokuri and Mad Money to spend on whatever I want later on, and I might agree. My friend who first taught me this term suggested that he used his money for drinking and going to establishments that offered sexual services for money. 


Bringing an entire new meaning to "open for business"


Trust that, in a huge city like Tokyo, that is open 24 hours a day, there's all sorts of guilty pleasures that a guy could spend a thousand bucks on real quick. There hostess bars, sexual services, drinking, gambling, drugs, women and, heck, you name it. You can do it here.


But, perhaps I am Stark Raving Mad but I ain't stupid.


My Mad Money isn't used as "Stupid Money." I think blowing a few thousand dollars on sex, drugs and rock and roll is really stupid... In fact I think just holding Japanese Yen is pretty mad.... Take it one step further, I think it doesn't matter if you hold yen, dollars or euros.... I think you must be mad to not convert and get your hands on all the gold you can as soon as you can.


The love of my life


Gold and silver are Real Money. They are smart money. Paper money is just paper. It is needed, for now, to buy gold and silver, so get all you can now and convert it to real money. 


That's a smart way to use your money!


My Mad Money will be used to buy gold. I think yours should be used for that too.... Now that is turning Mad money into Smart Money!...


Now, what's my wife going to think when she sees the one-ounce gold coin that I magically turn my Ohesokuri into? Bet you a $1000 dollars she won't be mad a bit... She'll be VERY happy!



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"Belly-button chestnut?!" - makes me think of the crazy ass squirrels around my place, always stashing nuts everywhere. In my garage, in my car, on the window sill, in the flower pots, etc... If they think another squirrel is watching them hide their nut they will fake bury it a couple of times and then go bury it somewhere else.

Also, thanks for reminding me of that "Bring me yer gold" song with the leprechaun. That song cracks me up.

One more thing, gold rings* make great stashes, if they are discovered you can say it was supposed to be her surprise gift. YMMV.

[*... I meant gold rings bought at scrap prices, not the overpriced jewelry found in high end shops. Shudder. One time I almost bought a gold charm for about $600, but I had it weighed and asked what the scrap value was, $50 bucks. Run.]

- clark